Openbook

A quote given to me by a friend

2011-04-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

"The master of the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labour and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To himself he always seems to be doing both. Enough for him that he does it well."
Lawrence Pearsall Jacks (1860–1955), British educator and Unitarian minister

A poem i wrote once for my Bao Bei ;)

2011-02-13T21:27:00.000-08:00

While packing our stuff up to get ready to move i came across this card i gave to Ling easily 5 years or more ago which had in it a poem i wrote.

Here it is:

"Better than bright sunshine on a lazy Saturday morning,
Your smile greets me
With warmth that puts the Sun himself to shame,
Your smile soothes me
More than the finest array of a buffet breakfast,
Your smile fills me
That cup of coffee to get me going can never compare to,
Your smile encourages me
Sweeter than music are the words that come from your mouth as you utter them with
Your smile that comforts me
And as i face the world, in all its strife and all its insensitivity, it's
Your smile that moves me, inspires me

And yes, sometimes the day diminishes to nothing more than a dismal drear... but
Your smile reminds me
Of my hopes and dreams, of victories past and conquests present, of songs yet to be sung and stories yet to be told
Of the wonderful things i have yet to behold
And even through the mistakes that i sometimes make,
As i stumble, fail and falter,
Your smile reassures me
Of the God who is greater
Than my aspirations and fears
Than the laughter and the tears
Than success that gladdens and failure that sears
Your smile infuses me
With hope, with strength, with peace
With confidence to brace the stormy seas
Your smile releases me
To be the man that i'm meant to be
To be myself
To enjoy life and all that God has in store for me
Your smile teaches me
That life was never meant to be taken too seriously
That there's always time to stop and savour
Each waking moment, each God given hour
That the best time is NOW
and that i don't always need to have the answers
To when, why, who, what or how
Your smile is a gift
A token that i'll forever keep with me
A testament to God's goodness, grace and mercy
But more than all of this
Your smile manifests
The abundant love God has for you
The love that you have for God
And the love that you have for me
...
Dear,
Your smile i'll always remember
Even if we haven't seen each other
Or spoken for awhile
All i've got to do is to close my eyes
And picture you
And then
i smile."

;)

Psalm 37

2011-01-13T16:39:00.001-08:00

37:1 Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

37:2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

37:3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

37:5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

37:6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

37:9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

37:10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

37:11 But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

37:12 The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.

37:13 The LORD shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

37:14 The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.

37:15 Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.

37:16 A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

37:17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.

37:18 The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.

37:19 They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

37:20 But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.

37:21 The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.

37:22 For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

37:24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

37:25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

37:26 He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

37:27 Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

37:28 For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

37:29 The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.

37:30 The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

37:31 The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

37:32 The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.

37:33 The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.

37:34 Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

37:35 I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.

37:36 Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

37:37 Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.

37:38 But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.

37:39 But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble.

37:40 And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.

New Year's Eve special ;)

2010-12-30T23:33:00.000-08:00

"i love me some watermelon!"

2010-12-19T18:57:00.001-08:00

Amen.

2010-12-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

"Only one life, 'twill soon be past.
Only what's done for Christ will last.
And when i am dying, how happy i'll be
if the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee."

Civilla Durfee Martin, 1904

2010-12-05T01:21:00.000-08:00

Be not dismayed whate'er betide, God will take care of you;
Beneath His wings of love abide, God will take care of you.

Through days of toil when heart doth fail, God will take care of you;
When dangers fierce your path assail, God will take care of you.

All you may need He will provide, God will take care of you;
Nothing you ask will be denied, God will take care of you.

No matter what may be the test, God will take care of you;
Lean, weary one, upon His breast, God will take care of you.

God will take care of you, through every day, o'er all the way;
He will take care of you, God will take care of you.

Apple anyone?

2010-11-29T04:07:00.001-08:00

Remember...

2010-11-20T17:43:00.000-08:00

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

James 1: 2 - 4

Genesis 39: 20 -21

2010-11-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

"Then Joseph’s master took him and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were confined. And he was there in the prison.
But the LORD was with Joseph and showed him mercy, and He gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison."

Anne R. Cousin, 1857

2010-10-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

".. The bride eyes not her garment, but her dear bridegroom's face;
I will not gaze at glory, but on my King of grace;
Not at the crown he giveth, but on his pierced hand:
The lamb is all the glory of Emmanuel's land."

And so He says...

2010-09-21T03:27:00.001-07:00

21:2 There were together Simon Peter, and Thomas called Didymus, and Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, and the sons of Zebedee, and two other of his disciples.

21:3 Simon Peter saith unto them, I go a fishing. They say unto him, We also go with thee. They went forth, and entered into a ship immediately; and that night they caught nothing.

21:4 But when the morning was now come, Jesus stood on the shore: but the disciples knew not that it was Jesus.

21:5 Then Jesus saith unto them, Children, have ye any meat? They answered him, No.

21:6 And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.

21:7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher's coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

21:8 And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes.

21:9 As soon then as they were come to land, they saw a fire of coals there, and fish laid thereon, and bread.

21:10 Jesus saith unto them, Bring of the fish which ye have now caught.

21:11 Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three: and for all there were so many, yet was not the net broken.

21:12 Jesus saith unto them, Come and dine. And none of the disciples durst ask him, Who art thou? knowing that it was the Lord.

21:13 Jesus then cometh, and taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise.

21:14 This is now the third time that Jesus shewed himself to his disciples, after that he was risen from the dead.

21:15 So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

21:16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

21:17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

21:18 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, When thou wast young, thou girdest thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not.

21:19 This spake he, signifying by what death he should glorify God. And when he had spoken this, he saith unto him, Follow me.

21:20 Then Peter, turning about, seeth the disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper, and said, Lord, which is he that betrayeth thee?

21:21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?

21:22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.

Hari Raya ala '1Malaysia' ;)

2010-09-16T22:10:00.001-07:00

Your Love Never Fails - jesusculture

2010-09-07T04:53:00.000-07:00

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make, all things, work together for my good.

Just because...

2010-07-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

Just because we may not be able to immediately observe the consequences of our 'actions' over the internet does not mean that we are immune to them. Perhaps the false sense of disconnection that the internet ironically provides for us, in that we find ourselves involved but only from 'afar' when in actual fact there is no such thing really, fools us into a sense of false security - we think we can say what we want, however we want, whenever we want with no repercussions.

i'm all for freedom (and that of speech as well) but freedom does not equate to freedom from responsibility. There are more than enough examples of things said and done in the name of personal freedom, with many a time the internet being the main means of propagation, in which the result was nothing short of the contrary... fines, jail sentences, divorce proceedings, forced resignations... not to mention the devastation of the said individuals' lives and those related to them. Recent news of how people sharing their thoughts and activities on their facebook profiles leading to them being fired from their jobs or how people have 'fallen in love' online only to be swindled of hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of their 'relationship', really drives the point home.

It's even more poignant when children and adolescents use this very powerful tool of mass media to 'share' in what they think to be a very safe and secure environment when in actual fact they're only laying themselves bare and vulnerable to just as much if not more social pressure, peer influence, corporate propaganda and the like than if they were in the 'real world' (so to speak). It is even of more concern when in the majority of instances (especially without proper parental supervision - which is usually the case since parents are often less than aware of their children's activities online and don't always know how things work thereby shying away from the world wide web altogether) these 'kids' are not aware of these 'dangers' and the detriment it can cause to their personal psychological, social and sometimes even physical development and health. Insecurity, materialism, immorality and, believe it or not, ignorance can be bred further and deeper amongst these who are still finding out who they are and what they believe in - perhaps in the most impressionable stage of their lives.

It pains me personally to see and 'hear' the young and innocent amongst us making 'statements' and 'declarations' from what they think to be a very mature and perhaps even informed perspective when the reality is anything but. It screams fragility, naiveness and above all an overall 'lack' - of understanding, maturity, conviction... and to add insult to injury they parade it proudly.

How do we expect to develop a generation of men and women greater than what we are or will ever be?
Shouldn't that be our goal?
Perhaps, it's our fault and failure for letting our own ignorance and apathy breed their contempt for virtue, truth, knowledge, moral and principle?

As a new father myself, thinking in terms of 'one generation to another' and 'the legacy left behind' strikes a very strong and personal chord. My dream for my children cannot and should not be reduced to only comprise a string of achievements, academic pursuits, talents and skills but far more so, a developed and mature personhood, a deep and unswerving sense of conviction, an appreciation and appropriation of the higher virtues of charity and service and most of all a sure and set firm love and fear for God.

Yes, the internet plays a pivotal role in our lives and i expect it to for a long time more to come but far be it from me to not equip my own so that this powerful tool can be harnessed to their much benefit and not their detriment.

1st time in the pool ;)

2010-07-26T21:13:00.001-07:00

Isaiah's first building blocks ;)

2010-06-25T22:25:00.001-07:00

"Sempena" Fathers' Day...

2010-06-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

i would highly recommend every new father and father to be to get a hold of this book and read it.
*Sorry i couldn't find a bigger picture*

i've been using it and i find it very comprehensive, relevant and helpful. It details what to expect of yourself, your wife and your baby from pregnancy right up to the first 12 months of life of your child. Authored by a medical doctor, it's reliable and sound.

Unlike most books that i've come across it doesn't just cover the medical-related issues (which are also addressed very well) but provides a very holistic guide including aspects of emotional development, psychology, relationship matters while providing very practical tips. And best of all it's tailored for men and fathers and therefore speaks in a 'language' that men can understand, relate to and appreciate.

So ya, to the budding fathers out there... trust me, this will help ;)

AFC worthy ;)

2010-05-30T02:54:00.000-07:00

My wife prepared this and trust me, it tastes even more awesome than it looks! ;)

My "bao-bei"s ;)

2010-05-25T18:12:00.000-07:00

Birthday wish ;)

2010-03-17T07:52:00.001-07:00

Bath time ;)

2010-03-12T21:45:00.001-08:00

Arrogance

2010-03-08T00:04:00.000-08:00

Arrogance is not necessarily seen in the person who is correcting someone, but is grossly evident in someone who refuses correction.

Remember, remember...

2010-02-02T17:39:00.000-08:00

Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

1 Corinthians 9: 24 - 27

Learning to 'fly solo' ;)

2010-01-28T18:15:00.000-08:00

time for words...

2010-01-26T23:33:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile i guess since i've 'said' anything on my blog.
It's all been pretty much 'picture-blogging' of late and i guess it's about time i 'broke the silence' ;)

i shall refrain from expressing my views with regards to some matters of national interest lately...

God hears my 'groanings' for this nation which i love... and i know He'll make all things beautiful in His time.

So i shall make a conscious effort to 'digress' ;)

Reading 'Systematic Theology' (i'm just beyond the half way mark) has shed light on just how much i don't know and perhaps took for granted with regards to the fundamentals of Christian doctrine and faith. i'm glad i'm equipping myself as best as i can (albeit not as quickly as i would like) and i find myself appreciating more and more the responsibility of not just understanding things better but putting things across sound and true.

i think we could all do a bit better with knowing more about what we think we know before we tell or teach others about what we think they should know.

Looking back, i'm thankful and humbly attribute all the glory to God, that the times that i was entrusted either with teaching, preaching or sharing or simply vocalising my point of view in discussion, that it did turn out 'sound and true'.
There's a new appreciation and respect i have for trusting the Holy Spirit for wisdom as well as understanding and also, perhaps more importantly, for His unction and stirring (i remember times when i only gained understanding of what i was saying as i was saying it).

The point is not just about being right per say.... but being accountable.
Because we will be held accountable eventually.... for every thought...word...deed (or even the lack of either thereof).
And those who teach, well, doubly so!

Thank God that His grace and mercy and love covers the multitude of our misgivings. He somehow turns what we said or did wrong... right.
Somehow He does.
And as we come before Him repentant and in full acknowledgement of our weaknesses with evidence of correcting the wrong we've done... He bestows grace upon grace, mercy upon mercy...and allows us to grow from faith to faith...glory to glory.

So let us beware lest our eyes turn haughty.
Lest we become 'puffed' up with knowledge (or so we think) and become the fool, disqualifying ourselves of His grace...of His mercy... of Him.

i've successfully digressed ;)

i'm in a somewhat 'cathartic' mood (yes, the word generally has a negative connotation to it ... but for the sake of sounding sophisticated why not? hehe).

Chinese New Year is around the corner and i'm looking forward to it even more than i did in the years past (well, to be fair, i only started officially celebrating last year..still) ;)

i think it has to do with how the dynamics are different this year... what with Isaiah and all.
i'm no longer just the new addition to the family.
i'm the new father.

And yes, husband and wife are the basic unit of a family but... with a child... well it feels more like it ;) and so yes, we're the 'new' family.

As it is, when we went back for Christmas and New Year... the 'feel' was different.

Everything seemed to be painted with the colour of 'family'.

Not just my in-laws but even my family seemed to relate to me somewhat 'differently' (and i mean that in a good way).... i'm no longer just the son/nephew/grandson... but the son/nephew/grandson who's a father and the leader of a budding new family.

Don't know quite how to put it into words... but i've definitely embarked on an entirely new 'phase' of life (if could loosely use the term).

i mean i knew in theory before i had a child of my own that when i do... things are going to change... a lot.
But just how much change... well, i think i'm only appreciating that of late (there's way more to come i'm sure).

again, i've successfully digressed ;)

First 'bites' ;)

2010-01-12T06:40:00.000-08:00

if he looks a bit 'unhappy', it was only because we weren't feeding him as fast as he would have liked ;) he was practically holding our hands trying to force us to stuff his mouth! =)

Sunglasses model?

2009-12-28T02:00:00.000-08:00

by the shoreline...

2009-12-20T05:19:00.001-08:00

Methinks...

2009-12-19T07:38:00.000-08:00

a life lived for Christ is

most about the being,
more about the doing,

and least about the talking.

"The Gardens" ala Labuan ;)

2009-12-17T03:38:00.000-08:00

Having fun with hairstyles on him... haha ;)

2009-12-11T07:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas wish? ;)

2009-12-08T01:44:00.000-08:00

* vinod tries to stop himself from letting his imagination run wild.... to no avail ;) *

"making lemonade out of lemons" ;)

2009-12-02T06:35:00.000-08:00

My wife...

2009-11-29T04:50:00.000-08:00

is making me learn and realise more and more each day that it's not my 'skills' that impress and/or please her but rather my spirit, my soul.

What i can do per say takes a far second place as compared to who i am to her and how i am with her.

It doesn't matter what my talents are or how much i 'know'... what matters is how much i care.

And so i'm learning to stop fretting over how 'good' i am and can be at what i do and start focusing more on how good a husband, lover, friend, partner and leader i am and can be to her.

No point being a 'good' anything if i fail to be a good husband.

double dose of Durian! Muahahaha ;)

2009-11-13T05:25:00.001-08:00

ARGGGGGHHHHH!!!

2009-11-11T23:39:00.000-08:00

Season 5 has been the most nerve-wrecking yet!

Not because it's necessarily filled with loads of 'cliff- hangers' or 'keep-you-at-the-edge-of-your- seat' action sequences (although it does have a gingerly balanced portion of them both) but because it feeds you with the answers that you've been craving for all this while... but only enough to leave you even thirstier for more!

This is really turning out to be one of THE BEST stories i've ever 'experienced' yet.

It's deeply engrossing and superbly intricate and yet only grows in its appeal without ever taking the intelligence of those watching for granted.

Yes, the story does deal with its own fair share of complex concepts but boy, oh boy, do they do it with ever so much care and attention to detail... it's hard to completely 'lose' your way through it.

And i think this is one of the most original and unique standpoints in dealing with the whole issue of time-travel.
Really.

Pure genius.

Perhaps the only downside after having watched Season 5... is that Season 6 isn't immediately available ;)

my wife's perfect blend of wit and affection

2009-11-04T04:27:00.000-08:00

a little gift she made for me ;)

labuan war memorial... in black & white

2009-10-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

licence to grill? ;)

2009-10-11T05:50:00.001-07:00

hands and feet ;)

2009-10-10T07:55:00.001-07:00

we were inspired by some images off the net and decided to take some of our own ;)

looking through the eyes of "MANUAL"... hehe

2009-10-03T04:06:00.001-07:00

Isaiah's own seat ;)

2009-10-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

"Tarap" anyone?

2009-09-26T01:28:00.001-07:00

First time using 'Manual' mode. Finally! ;)

2009-09-25T03:28:00.001-07:00

'Typical' father look? ;)

2009-09-15T03:43:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile...

2009-09-13T01:31:00.001-07:00

it's been awhile since i shared my thoughts on a movie i've watched. Perhaps it's because there hasn't been one worth mentioning (to be fair, there have been quite a few i've yet to get my hands on, so...).

i had a friend over the house and we all sat down to watch this movie which i've only heard of every now and then over MTV when i happened to be channel surfing on ASTRO back in KL. i've seen the main actor in his previous movie but i must admit i didn't remember him very much for his acting.

So i was taking a 'risk' with this one. And truth be told, i like taking these 'risks' and go with my gut feeling cos' more often than not i end up pleasantly surprised at the discovery of a gem instead of what was perhaps previously conceived as a possible mess of a movie.

That's not to say however that i've not had my fair share of 'catastrophes' ;)

Anyway, this movie is a gem.
The first thing that i found very pleasantly surprising indeed was the fact that it had so many 'layers' to it. i mean for a movie titled 'Fighting' which essentially revolves around the underground street-fighting scene, you don't really expect much 'thought'.

But trust me, there's way more going on than meets the eye. And i'm not just talking about twists and turns (of which there are a couple)... but more so about the underlying themes of will, honour, love, friendship, trust, dignity and even good vs evil which permeate and intertwine the plot (and subplots) of the movie.
And tastefully at that.

It's far from your average fight-flick. In fact, it's far from your average movie. There's pretty good character development (something that seems to be a rarity across the board these days) and there's an attention to detail and style so much so that how the scenes are shot themselves speak clearly albeit subtly of the underlying messages the story is trying to put across.

Funny finding a creative gem in the midst of what was seemed like another average action-flick.

*vinod grins with satisfaction and delight at his 'find'*

i remind myself...

2009-09-11T19:02:00.001-07:00

1 day at a time, 1 day at a time...

i believe...

2009-09-08T18:17:00.000-07:00

our lives are not measured by how much we've accomplished or achieved 'in His Name' but by how much we love and obey Him.

You're on candid camera!

2009-09-07T03:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry to say but...

2009-09-06T17:56:00.001-07:00

HALAL Dim Sum is a crime against humanity ;)

Willingness?

2009-09-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

What is the real test of willingness?

How can you tell, really, that you are willing?

i think many a time we can come to a place of taking the easy excuse of a way out and console ourselves with a self-proclamation of 'being willing'.

It's a 'dangerous' position to be in. And it's even worse when it's in the light of what God may be asking of us.

Here's an example (albeit perhaps exaggerated or over-simplified):

God asks you and i to give a sum of money to a cause (ultimately unto Him) which we're not 'used' to (although in actual fact with God there's really no such thing as 'used to') and instead of obeying in faith... our so called 'wisdom' kicks in and we reduce ourselves to giving what we're used to or worse still not giving anything at all with the excuse that "God is just testing my willingness to give".

Ridiculous?
But that's what you and i do more often than not don't we? And worse still, we have the cheek to advise others the same.

So the question then arises... how do we know if we're willing? And maybe even... can we ever 'know' that we are willing and just leave it at that?

Or is willingness manifested by action? Is willingness proved by an actual response?

Cos' our hearts are deceitful beyond measure and to just look into ourselves and feel our way through and come to the conclusion that we are willing in and of ourselves really doesn't cut it.

let's perhaps hit a little closer to home...
When God spoke to me and said (and i'm 'paraphrasing' and 'summarizing' here) that i got to serve Him 'full-time'... some people responded in exactly the manner i am referring to above (and usually if you think about it, it's the people that have really no clue themselves)... perhaps very well-intentioned, saying, "hey, you don't 'really' need to go into full-time ministry...God just wants to see if you're willing to...".

Huh?

i recollect the account of Abraham and Isaac.
Yes, God did eventually ask Abraham to stop and in that sense prevented Abraham from actually doing what He had asked him to but didn't Abraham obey and follow-through with action in faith in the first place.
Did Abraham after hearing God's command proclaim that he was actually willing but then sit back and do nothing?
No.
It's evident that in Abraham's mind, he really was going to sacrifice Isaac. He prepared the stuff, took his son up the mountain and was even to the point of plunging the dagger in.
That is the evidence of willingness in my opinion... actually following-through with action.

i think we can presumptuously take 'willingness' too far and forget that it is seen only through action. Nobody in the Word of God was given the title 'willing' without doing anything.

Imagine if Jesus had been only 'willing', as we often define it, to go to the cross to die for our sins!
Thanks be to God that His willingness was seen by His fulfillment of what was demanded.

Not doing anything about it simply is synonymous to UNWILLINGNESS.
Let's make no mistake about it.

the past 3 months... a retrospective synopsis?

2009-08-30T04:31:00.000-07:00

So i have been on a 'hiatus' for the past 3 months or so and needless to say a lot has happened since.

A lot.

Perhaps putting it in a somewhat simplified and not necessarily comprehensive list will help ;)

i've never been very good at saying things in a few words but i sure will give it a go (cos' frankly some of these things will probably take up an entire blog entry or more to expound themselves... and even then it won't do them justice).

And in no particular order...

1. God spoke and 'shattered' the preconceived ideas i had of how i was going to serve Him and function for His Kingdom - i'm going into full time ministry.

2. Became a new father.

3. Miraculously reconciled with my father - all glory to God!

4. Spent good quality time with dear loved ones.

5. Took up the challenge of learning up guitar (acoustic but hopefully 'graduating' to electric soon).

6. Started equipping myself in the area of 'Systematic Theology'.

7. Learnt some 'classic' recipes from grandma.

8. Ate to my heart's (well actually stomach's) content.

9. To my utter pleasure and privilege, got reintegrated into the 'life' of ACTS.

10. Geared up to get going with all that God has in store... and return as soon as He would want me to.

There you have it... 3 months in a nutshell.

My wedding anniversary gift from my dear wife ;)

2009-08-04T00:49:00.000-07:00

YEAH! A 50mm f1.8 lens for my camera! She knows me soooo well =D

here are two of the first shots i took with it ;)

YES!

2009-07-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

i am so proud and thankful to be the husband to my wife and the father to my newborn son ;)
To God be all the glory!

...

2009-06-07T21:34:00.001-07:00

GOD, YOU are enough.

finally evidence of 'intelligent' life forms...

2009-05-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

The Ministry of Education has finally put a stop to the ridiculousness of students taking more than 10 subjects for SPM.

Now, i didn't sit for SPM (so perhaps i have relinquished my right to give an opinion on the issue...still).

But i have been very aware of the trend our SPM has been taking with more and more students taking more and more subjects.
Frankly, i think it's silly and depicts the depravity of our education system to sieve out deserving and 'bright' students.

Quantity can never make up for quality. And perhaps even more so in the case of students choosing all kinds of subjects just to make up the number they're aiming for (20 subjects?? like hello!).. it only proves how directionless, distracted and disillusioned our emerging generation of 'bright' minds are.

This does not in any way diminish the 'value' of the accomplishment. 20 A1 is a big deal. But then the more important question is why 20 subjects in the first place? The other bigger question is are our exams therefore 'tough' enough?

i mean, the fact that it's even possible for quite a number of students to take more than the necessary subjects and ace all of them ...somehow brings our examinations credibility into question doesn't it?

No foreign country is gonna take results like 20A1s seriously (at least in my opinion). It raises a lot of questions with regards to the 'standard' of our exams as well as the motivation of our students.

i haven't even touched the whole area of education being more than just 'scoring' in exams yet.
What kind of community do we want to raise up?

People who have read a lot about life but know nothing about it?
People who have 'know' a lot about art but can't really appreciate it?
People who just can't communicate nor socialise with others?
People who can't understand the value of teamwork nor leadership?

perhaps... it's a good thing to put a cap on the number of subjects... but better still, if it translates to higher quality education and therefore examinations.

But then again, what would i know....
i didn't sit for SPM kan? ;)

Life is...

2009-05-24T18:46:00.001-07:00

a long wait...

talk about anticlimax...

2009-05-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

Just when i was thinking that our country's politics and judiciary were making some very positive progresses... the Court of Appeal unanimously decides that Zambry is the rightful MB.

Talk about a conflicted judiciary.

The message that seems clear through all this is that our Constitution is very vulnerable and open to interpretation and misinterpretation... that there is still yet a lot more progress to be made in the 'maturing' of our judiciary and political process... and that yes, our leaders have yet to 'get it'.

It's embarrassing that in this ridiculous tussle for 'power' the people and persons and parties in question have lost sight of the grand scheme of things and the much higher purpose to which they were given the responsibility to be in power in the first place... in service to the 'rakyat'.

Hopefully they remember that the 'power' they have is a power given... by the people... and if they don't wise up soon...
Well, there's always the next elections to drive the point home.

strike three.

2009-05-23T17:11:00.000-07:00

My 'independent' application to University Malaya to undergo the Masters in Public Health programme has been unsuccessful.

Guess i've got to wait till i 'qualify' via the conventional method... which means i've got to wait at least another year or more before i'm even eligible to apply.

Sigh... looks like i've got to wait till the next 'inning'.

The one word i've been waiting to hear...

2009-05-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

APPROVED!

still got it ;)

2009-05-17T18:16:00.001-07:00

yesterday night i was part of a 3-on-3 interchurch basketball 'competition' and yes, our team won!

considering that we only 'practised' twice and i personally have played basketball only a handful of times this year (i'm almost always oncall and if not been more interested in trying my hand at badminton)... i think we really did well.

Most of all was that we played as a team, won as a team and kept our cool and conscience clear throughout the competition.

You know how it can be with these kinds of 'contact' sports (trust me i've had my share of bad experiences.. even in 'church' organised events) and therefore i'm very thankful that it all went well.

Personally, i think i've matured as a player.
Sure, i'm older and my stamina is not what it used to be (playing 5 games straight is no joke).. . but what i did notice is that i played without getting 'emotional' (as i have had a history of doing so before).

My insightful wife said it's because i've matured as a person.
Again, thank God for that.

motto

2009-05-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

GOD IS my satisfaction.

Complacency in ignorance

2009-05-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

Lately i have been stirred to break away and move myself from being comfortable with my 'not knowing'.

There are definitely instances where we should come to terms with the fact that there are things that are just way beyond our capacity to understand and for that matter control. And with regards to some of these perhaps 'bigger' matters of life i think it's even healthy to be able to let go and resolve ourselves to 'faith' and 'trust' in a God who definitely KNOWS and knows way better.

But sometimes... if we're not careful, our increasing ease with 'not knowing' can spill over into areas where there should be a drive to 'know'.

In fact, even in matters of faith, there has to be an element of knowing as much as we can and should. Otherwise, it's just plain laziness.
Complacency.
Taking things for granted.

The responsibility to build ourselves up and equip ourselves lies solely in our hands. While the outcome of taking such responsibility in our pursuit of knowledge may be entirely in His hands, the choice and follow-through lies solely in ours.

We should not take 'i don't know' as an answer anymore. Especially to ourselves. We owe it to ourselves, to the people around us, to our nation and most of all to our God, to know.

i am trying therefore to no longer be satisfied with my ignorance.
If there's a matter, an issue, in which there are aspects of which i am lacking in my knowledge then i should (and i want) to know more about it.
i want to fill in those gaps.

Sure, we can't know everything.
But that shouldn't be the excuse for not knowing 'anything'.

Ironically, i feel that people who are comfortable with their ignorance almost never admit to it.
They always have some excuse like "it's not relevant to them" or "it doesn't interest them".
i think it's time we be honest my friends with our ignorance. Say "i don't know" by all means but please, let's do something about the fact that we don't know.

Being in denial of our ignorance just aggravates the depravity of our mind and being all the more.

i think all this has stemmed forth from my relatively recent realisation of just how much of a paucity of knowledge i have with regards to issues that matter... current affairs... government... healthcare systems and the like.
In my 'learning' and getting myself acquainted with various related events and the details concerning them.. i've discovered just how much i still have yet to discover.
It's opened my eyes to my still 'underdeveloped' intellect.

Of course it's not about just pursuing knowledge for pursuing knowledge sake (although i'm not so sure there's such a thing). And it's not about gaining more power by gaining more knowledge (you know the famous phrase). And it's the least of all about 'showing off' just how much of a 'brainiac' you are.

It's about developing your personhood.... maturity.
It's about increasing your effectiveness and efficiency as an individual to the society (and that includes the Church of course).
It's about ultimately using your 'talents'... and all that God has blessed you and i with... cos' in itself we give Him glory (to love God with all our heart, MIND, soul and strength).
It's about putting ourselves to 'better use'.

i know God says He will use the foolish to put to shame the wise.
But i don't think He means those who are comfortable and complacent with their 'foolishness'.... cos' those kind of people fall in the category of the 'unprofitable servant'.
And we all know what happens to him...

Didn't see that coming...

2009-05-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, our Malaysian political scene is not short on drama at all.

i was more than surprised when i received The Star sms updates on my phone stating that the high court ruling was that Nizar was the rightful Menteri Besar of Perak.

Talk about a turn of events.

i mean with the recent clout surrounding the fracas at the state assembly... well.. to be frank, things weren't really looking too good for the pakatan rakyat. And with the whole crisis being as drawn-out as it was, i feel the public (well, at least me) was getting tired and weary with it all. There was a sense of perhaps 'let's just get it over and done with'. Maybe even the initial fervour for what was 'right' and 'constitutional' also began to wax and wane especially in the light of a seemingly never-ending tussle of who's who and who's where and who's doing what.

i also think it's ironic that the Prime Minister himself (no offense to him) who was insistent on a quick and speedy resolution of the 'crisis' now has to deal with perhaps the 'unexpected' outcome of actually having the court rule against his party's favour.
And in typical contradictory political fashion, is now in the process of appealing the ruling made by the court.

Perhaps the idea of getting on with 'life' and serving the Rakyat took a real backseat when it was revealed that the 'opposition' would be in power instead (so to speak).

But to be fair to the PM (cos' i'm really more FOR what's right and just rather than FOR any one party per say)... maybe there really was not much of an option for him but to appeal the decision. You can't risk the support of your own party by being seen to seemingly 'give in' although you may know that that's the best way to go about things for the sake of the good of the state, nation and Rakyat.

A big kudos to the judiciary for proving itself unstirred and unmoved by the political atmosphere created by both sides of the divide. It has proven itself 'impartial' and in so doing renewed our faith and hope in its role and function.

i'm still far from having a thorough insight into the intricacies of the law, judiciary and government in our country but i do have to say that my interest has been piqued all the more.

let's see how the 'story' unfolds from here on in...
it's bound to beat any work of fiction for now ;)

so i'm not the only one ok...

2009-05-10T00:57:00.000-07:00

i was waiting for my wife to pick me up from the hospital the other day (yes, i was serious when i said that she would be helping me)... when i suddenly heard a guy screaming in the field just opposite the accident and emergency ( the field between the hospital and my current home in the quarters).

And yes, he was being 'attacked' by the terrorist too ;)

There was a bunch of guys playing soccer in the field when i guessed one of them got within the bird's 'territory' and as such was victim to its antics.

This time it was kind of peculiar being the third person watching the whole episode unfold.
It gave me a clearer picture of how things looked (and more so how i looked) during the whole thing.

However the response of this guy was way different as compared to mine (and unfortunately so i might add).

i think after the somewhat 'traumatic' experience, he perhaps realised how maybe silly he looked in front of his fellow football peers and so 'macho-ness' kicked in (although like i said earlier, the fear was very justified considering the circumstances).

So he and another one of the guys took a stick and a football shoe bag and sort of tried to intentionally 'entice' the bird into attacking them so that they could whack the bird in return.

The efforts were to no avail but that didn't stop them from trying to aim for the nest as well.
i guessed that bird really 'ruffled' his feathers (pun intended).

Thankfully it didn't seem apparent that any harm was caused.
The guy vented out his frustration and showed the bird who's 'boss' and went on his way.

Me... well... while looking at the whole 'drama' and particularly how the guy responded... i was glad that i didn't walk down that same road and go all 'berserko' on the bird.

An eye for an eye, tooth for tooth is just barbaric and uncivilised to me ... especially when, well let's be honest, it's just a bird for crying out loud.

i mean although the bird perhaps had no 'business' disturbing the peace... but what would happen to the little ones it's trying to protect should it really fall prey to the hands of people or persons like that 'footballer guy'.

Would its death really be deserving of its 'attack'?
Would the suffering of its offspring be justified thereof?

There's no such thing as an eye for an eye...
Humans would rather have the whole head instead.

We're not fair and just by nature.

So ya, maybe i wasn't the 'macho' one but hey....maybe i was the more thoughtful one.
The bird should be thankful for 'cowards' like me ;)

Terrorist

2009-05-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, i am being terrorised.

By a bird.

Seriously.

Given the fact that i perhaps do have an exaggerated fear of the avian creatures, this particular bird is just doing it's best to make it worse.

i was 'attacked' yesterday on my way back from the hospital, walking back home.
i think i was probably in the vicinity of its nest or something cos this bird (whom i'm guessing is like the mom or something) went all 'berserk' on me.
i was minding my own business, oblivious to my surroundings when i suddenly heard and 'felt' an uncomfortable series of squawks to close to my head for comfort and when i looked up i saw the bird doing like a nose dive on me and then gaining altitude again before doing another nose dive right at me.
i ran but it chased me... and well.. after i was perhaps a 'safe' distance from what i think was its nesting grounds or tree... it aborted its plan of assertive action.

And yes, the entire episode repeated itself in the evening despite me using an entirely different route home.

That bird is 'terrorising' me!

Now i know by this time most of you are laughing your heads off at me and my illogical fear... but let me tell you when you have a creature (no matter the size) attacking you motivated by sheer self preservation and protection of its young.. you tell me if you won't be terrified.

So now my wife sends me to the hospital and picks me up later.
hehe

Intense

2009-05-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

i was reluctant to watch this movie for awhile now even though a few of my trustworthy 'movie-critic' friends gave it the thumbs up only because i had a feeling that it was gonna be one that would play with my heartstrings just a little 'too' well.

And i was right.

Again, the child actors did a more-than- splendid job of setting the tone and establishing the foundation of the story and the mood thereon in.
The portrayal of friendship was so beautiful that in itself it was enough to make you cry.

And as i thought.. as the story progressed ...tears were not stinged upon.

i mean you have literally got to be made of stone if it doesn't make you feel weak in the knees and at times nauseous in your stomach.

Look out also for the 'men' in this movie in general.
There were quite a few that i felt were inspiring in their portrayal of honour, sensitivity and loyalty.

Come to think of it... this is perhaps one of those 'movies-that-can-make-you-cry' that's actually tailored more towards men.

So yes, to all the 'guys' out there... if you need an opportunity to feed your 'soft' side and let your heart grow a size a two... well, watching this movie may do just the trick.

And ladies.... if you want to see if your man has a heart at all in the first place... well, watch this movie with him and see how he reacts.
If at all ;)

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-05-05T03:51:00.001-07:00

i finally watched the much acclaimed, multi-award winning and pretty controversial "Slumdog Millionaire" with my wife yesterday night.

And yes, it's good.

What can i say... i'm a sucker for happy endings ;) (hope i didn't give too much away)

One of the many things that really captivated me was the fact that the movie was directed by some Caucasian dude.

Seriously.

i say so because the movie was shot with such an authenticity and sincerity with such depth and insight that it was almost unbelievable that a foreigner (and a Caucasian at that) could capture the essence as well as subtleties of India.

Some may say that the depravity is an exaggeration.

i tend to lean towards the contrary.

If anything (given that i have only limited experience and that too limited to areas like Bihar and the like) i think the reality is far worse.

Truth beats fiction hands down.

The child actors in this movie really made the film in my opinion.

i imagine that it's no easy task working with child actors and so to see such fantastic performances all round by them was not only a very pleasant surprise but a testament to their sheer talent and flair for acting.

Perhaps the fact that the cast were mostly 'unknown'...it made the movie all the more 'raw' and 'fresh' and therefore believable and 'down to earth'.

All the more 'close to home'.

This is one of those movies that typifies my stand that great Oscar winning movies don't have to be 'arty' (in the most superficial sense of the word) and melancholic and obscure... but rather can be 'feel-good' and warm and sincere and most of all... inspiring.

The fact that my wife liked it.... well... let's just say my wife has impeccable taste ;)

i've 'Lost'

2009-05-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

See, i thought i had a knack for coming up and guessing the most outrageous twists and turns in a plot or story.

In fact, it was kind of thrilling to be able to 'figure out' what were the possible outcomes... who murdered who... what's gonna happen next... solve the mystery.

i mean, i guessed the ending to 'The Sixth Sense' for crying out loud!

So ya, i think i have quite the intuitive mind and a wild imagination to boot...

But i have met my match.

'Lost' Season 4 was as 'out there' as you could possibly get. i mean talk about really thinking out of the box. i have definitely a renewed respect for the writers/creators of this quintessential mystery cum sci-fi series.

Sure, some people perhaps have tossed their hands in the air in surrender in the face of what seems to be an intensely and intricately weaved plot intertwined with often more questions than there are answers.

And yes, it does take quite the toll on the mental faculties of a person just trying to 'keep up' and 'make sense' of all that is going on both from a microscopic as well as macroscopic view... but hey, to me, that's where the appeal really lies.

This is one of those series (not that there are many that i can think of) that definitely doesn't attempt to insult the intelligence of its audience. If anything, it does quite the opposite... challenging those who watch to 'stretch' their boundaries of logic and reasoning and imagination way more than perhaps what we're usually used to.

My only hope (which is what i have been telling myself all this while since the Season 1) is that, this better not end in some terribly disappointing and abrupt, lame and 'surprisingly' unintelligent conclusion to the series.

i mean, with all the fantastical ideas they have been playing around with through the series, the writers better have an even more astounding and climactic end.

Otherwise, i (like many perhaps many millions more) would be severely disappointed and would have loss our 'faith' in the genius which is 'LOST'.

Talking out of their #$%

2009-04-29T22:36:00.000-07:00

As i suspected the recent 'concern' over the whole issue over doctors 'napping' while on duty was totally unfounded and discredited as 'inaccurate'.

Sure, when i first read about it in the newspaper i did entertain the possibility of such behaviour(you got to give people the benefit of the doubt) especially since doctors too are 'human' and as such, like any other job... there perhaps will be a few 'slackers'.

But, i knew that this was a typical case of a person without ANY knowledge of what was really going on or how the system works, making a grievous assumption perhaps even motivated by an over-inflated, hardly justified and terribly misplaced idea of self-importance. I dare say maybe even self-serving and attention-seeking more than anything else.

As a doctor myself i was (and perhaps still am) personally enraged.
Thank God for the sense of some people to conduct a proper investigation into the matter and clarify things in the open.

The person who made the public complaint (more like accusation) should in fact in similar fashion make a public apology for his rash, ignorant and immature response to the given situation.

People will always complain once there is an opportunity and avenue to.
Some are founded and motivated by a sincerity to effect some positive change.
Some are simply for the sake of complaining and venting out their frustration for venting out sake.

And yes, the public has every right to complain... cos' we as civil servants serve the public, community and nation at large.
Nevermind that people don't have a full understanding of the conditions, challenges and limitations we operate under.
Nevermind that people hardly are thankful when despite such circumstances we 'save' lives.
Cos' we don't function based on or motivated by all that.
If we did... well, there perhaps won't be any government doctors anymore (maybe that's one of the explanations for so many being lost to the private sector).

i just feel if there's going to be a place to complain... well then... let's make it 'fair'.
i want to complain about patients too.

People think that doctors are rude and insensitive and uncaring.. and like i said, perhaps it's true in certain instances and amongst certain individuals. We're all human.

But as i said, we're ALL human.
Patients can be rude, insensitive and unreasonable too... sometimes even more so.

So tell me, where do i complain?!

Likes and dislikes

2009-04-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

Why is it that i find it so much easier to point out what i dislike as compared to what i do like?

When anybody asks me something pertaining to this in whatever category of things i find it almost automatic and immediate that i list the things which i hate/dislike first then only, after some pondering i might add, the things that i love/like.

In fact, sometimes it has come to the point where i relate to people the things i like by telling them what i don't like and as such the ones left out from the list of dislikes... are my 'likes'.

Sure, with regards to the 'bigger' things in life it's 'easy' to tell what i love and like... but i'm talking about the details that make me up... food... movies... music... etc. You know, the little things that are part and parcel of someone's personality.. a microscopic window into their overall make up.

Perhaps... this tendency or ease with pointing out what's not to like and what's 'wrong' is part of the 'Asian' upbringing that we are all known for to varying degrees.
The concept of negative reinforcement.
Don't do this.
Don't do that.
You're doing this wrong.
You made a mistake here.
This doesn't look good on you.

Perhaps it's the expected repercussions of years of being told what's wrong and what's bad and what needs to be improved with a lack or even absence of emphasis on the good and praiseworthy.

i'm not saying that children should be brought up denying their faults and mistakes. Pointing out where one has gone wrong is essential to improvement and allows the person to grow and develop in handling 'failure' (something which is an unavoidable reality in life one way or another). i guess what i am saying is that we need to perhaps pay as much if not more attention to the 'good' in our children... or even people in general for that matter.

We all know that people are not perfect (and yes, it shouldn't be an excuse) but sometimes we demand 'perfection' while totally disregarding other very positive attributes.

It's not just a matter of simply building self-esteem but in my humble opinion it contributes heavily to a person's idea of himself and the world around them... about life in general... and therefore can have some very serious and life-defining consequences.

Someone who's never been told she's pretty... could very likely end up in an unhealthy relationship with a guy who's abusive and manipulative... perhaps because she fails to see how she could 'deserve' any better.

Someone who's only been told where he lacks in skills and talent... could very likely live a life way below his actual potential without realising some of the talents he does have and worse still not daring to venture to explore them.

Now, this is probably oversimplifying things... but i guess you get what i mean.
We need to make a conscious effort to try and see things 'positively'.
Even in the areas where we lack, we need to approach and treat these 'inadequacies' in a positive light.

God Himself is exemplary of being 'positive' while not disregarding the 'negative'.

Take the case of Moses...

When God commanded Moses to go back to Egypt to deliver His people the almost immediate response Moses gave was that he was incapable and inept at doing so... one of the reasons being his speech impediment (it's interesting to look back at Moses life and realise that he left Egypt and went into exile after being overwhelmed by the 'negativity' of failing to set his people free by his own strength). To which God, while not disregarding the fact that Moses did have a speech impediment, persisted in His intention to send Moses while ensuring His ever present support and help.

So ya.... i think maybe i've still got a lot of learning when it comes to looking at myself and others 'positively'.
Perhaps the next time someone asks me questions regarding my 'taste' and preferences.. i'll start with what i do like ;)

Challenging times...

2009-04-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

i just finished reading a book of collected letters by Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra Al-Haj entitled "Challenging Times".

While i personally feel that he lacks the flair and acumen of putting his thoughts together and conveying his ideas on paper.... he definitely is a man to be admired simply for his endeavours to win Malaysia her independence.

i guess nothing lets you in on a person's character and 'worldview' as his own writing...

It was also rather interesting to note that a lot of his letters, which were written in the 1970s and 1980s, were addressing issues and predicaments that we seem to be facing today in this time and age.

Can't help but wonder if that's because history is repeating itself .... or we just haven't progressed in those areas since then.

Overall, it did give a perhaps more personal insight into the intricacies that made up our nation's history and into the mind of the man at the very forefront of it all.

Sensitive.

2009-04-24T00:33:00.000-07:00

In Article 160(2) of the Constitution of Malaysia it clearly states under its definitions that:

"Malay" means a person who professes the religion of Islam, habitually speaks the Malay language, conforms to Malay custom and -
■ (a) was before Merdeka Day born in the Federation or in Singapore or born of parents one of whom was born in the Federation or in Singapore, or is on that day domiciled in the Federation or in Singapore; or
■ (b) is the issue of such a person;

So strictly speaking a person who is of any other ethnicity (e.g. Chinese, Indian, etc.) who fulfills the aforementioned criteria (as in the case when such a person of the said ethnicity converts into Islam) is thus deemed a "Malay" in the eyes of the constitution and as such is privy to whatever special rights attributed to them.

So therefore... should it be called the special rights of the Malays or rather the special rights of the Muslims?

To attribute special rights based on ethnicity may be justifiable in the light of the fact that history clearly shows that the other 'races' were brought to this country by the foreign powers in control of the land at the time... and as such were not 'natives' of this land and were given citizenship in exchange for respect for the preservation of certain matters including that of the special rights of the Malays.

But,

when the constitution as it is written seems to attribute these special rights with a leaning towards religion than ethnicity... then what exactly remains the basis of such allocations? And are they therefore necessarily valid and justified?
Cos' technically speaking i could therefore be a 'foreigner' to this land but yet be privy to the special rights made available to the 'natives' of this land simply because i am or became a Muslim.

i'm hardly an authority on the matter and don't claim to be so but as a layperson who's in love and sincerely interested in the matters in and pertaining my country,
i can't help but wonder...

Dual to single....

2009-04-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

Priorities and beliefs are always tested.

And soon enough in the ensuing weeks my wife's and mine will be taking its share...

Thank God for the fact that we don't have that many financial obligations (although it would be really nice to have none what so ever).

For now the main ones are that of my wife's study loan and our car loan.

So now with the baby on the way (and really soon i might add) and the fact that we both stand by our principles of putting family first...we'll soon be converting from a dual income family to that of a single income.

Ling will be on 2 years unpaid leave (of which i am fully supportive of)... and that therefore means that i will play the role of being the 'sole bread winner' of the family.

So i was crunching some numbers and i realise... it's going to be quite the challenge.
So on top of our belief in building the family strong... our belief and faith in giving as well as God and His providence is also tried.

And to add icing to the cake... i'm not too sure what exactly my financial status will be like in the light of the possible changes my career may be taking (which i'm actually hoping for) in the near future.

It's going to be an 'exciting' road ahead.
Then again, since when it ever stopped being 'exciting'.

God, You be glorified.

Sweeping statements?

2009-04-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

Girls who giggle a little too much... are just trying too hard.

i see now...

2009-04-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

ok ok ... i get it now.

yes, 'LOST' has finally, in this third installment in the series, proven to me that it is well capable of raising more questions than producing answers.

there were quite a few of the original 'mysteries' that were yet to be explained while introducing a rather numerous amount of new intrigues.

But,

having said that i found it hardly exasperating... in fact it only served to raise my curiosity even more and deepen my motivation to get to the bottom of what in the world is up with that island! And perhaps even more so... its inhabitants!

My only hope is that at the 'end' of this entire series it doesn't turn out to be some lame anticlimactic end.

Now, that would be a MAJOR put off.
Seriously.

so yup, i haven't lost 'faith' yet.
Season 4... coming up ;)

Kursus Kenegaraan

2009-04-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

So i just came back from Kem Bina Negara Kundasang, Sabah for the Kursus Kenegaraan or commonly known as BTN course.

first off i have to say that i think most people (at least those whom i've talked to) have misconceptions about the course as a whole. The common comment made is somewhere along the lines of it all simply being a 'brainwashing' session.

Well, i found it to be a rather inaccurate assessment.

To be honest, i thought that the course overall did well to develop and inculcate a sense of appreciation if not love for the country and the history of it's formation... it helped to cultivate a greater sense of camaraderie and cross-cultural understanding amongst the various ethnic groups simply by emphasising the need to put the 'bigger' picture in far greater priority than the little aspects of furthering one's own personal or ethnicity's agenda.

Sure, there perhaps were some views pertaining to certain aspects of the government and the political system in our country that were 'unbalanced' and perhaps even 'exaggerated'... but that should only stir us towards learning more and acquiring an even better understanding so as to get for ourselves a more 'balanced' and holistic point of view.

It should only drive us towards improving ourselves and maturing both as an individual and as a citizen of this beautiful country.

i think most people who call it brainwashing are throwing the baby out with the bath water.

This, like most things, demand of us our own ability to interpret and discern that which is true and necessary with that which may be exaggerations of the truth or that which is false entirely.
Perhaps the lack of basics and the lack of any foundation of understanding on our own part... the lack of our own personal knowledge... makes us therefore inept in our ability to respond to what may seem entirely 'foreign' to us especially in the manner in which it is presented. What with the 'passionate' talks and rather 'heated' discussion sessions and not to mention emotionally-tugging and thought-provoking imagery used every now and then.

So to those who are none-the-wiser... they respond by just shutting it off.

Which i think is immature... simply because there is amidst all that is said, in whatever manner it is said, elements of truth and fact that need to be accepted, weighed and maybe even investigated further... for our sakes and more so for the sake of serving and protecting this country that we call home.

To find fault when we know nothing is immature but to find fault when we refuse to do anything about our own ignorance is plain irresponsible.

So yes... to those who have yet to go... i say go for it! Enjoy it! And gather whatever knowledge and appreciation that you can from it.... but more so return from it with a greater motivation and fervour to find out more and improve and mature.

Our country needs us to do so.

Strike TWO

2009-04-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

i got a reply from the Ministry of Health headquarters with regards to my application for transfer.

It was DENIED.

Sigh.

Strike two.

not that much of a sweet tooth...but

2009-04-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

The famous Bon-bon cafe Durian cake...

the mocha mud pie.. particularly the one in TGIF

and definitely Chocolate banana from secret recipe.

;)

Was talking to a friend about some stuff related to food ... and suddenly had a craving for some cake... which made me think of the 'cakes' i miss and crave the most ;)

hehe

Reality

2009-04-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

It's tough to deal with reality when it actually 'kicks in'.

Sure, we 'know'... but do we... really?

Sure, we want.... but do we... really?

Sure, we mean it... but do we... really?

The words of the bible and the principles they stand for are pretty simple to recall.

But 'simple' and 'easy' are two very very different things altogether.

It's 'simple' to say that we should trust God irregardless of what happens cos' His ways are not our ways.. etc. etc... but is it therefore 'easy' to do it?

Nay.
Hardly.

In fact, we spend our entire lives learning some very 'basic' and 'rudimentary' things.

But then again, are they really all that 'rudimentary' seeing that to learn them requires a lifetime dedication?

Is trust, obedience, love really all that 'simple' after all.. or are they the 'higher' virtues and qualities that we aspire and mature into?

On paper per say it's easy to write and read and perhaps even 'comprehend' them.

'Love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength..'

'Love thy neighbour as thyself...'

'God is love...'

'Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church...'

'Be holy, as I am holy...'

'Simple' words but hardly ever 'easy'.

Especially when those very words 'come to life' so to speak and are challenged and put to the test in the various circumstances of our day to day living.

Apt.
Really like that 'test' and 'exam' that we're so accustomed to in school... where despite whatever or how much we think we 'know' the subject... it instead really shows from our actual test results doesn't it?

ok, perhaps that's a bit of an oversimplification but you see the similarities right?

*and here i digress...

i sometimes 'smile' to myself when i hear the 'encouraging' words of 'bystanders'... well meaning and good intentioned... who witnessing the 'plight' of the affected individual, repeat the 'simple' words as if the person himself did not know better.

'Trust God Vinod'

'Just be patient Vinod'

'God knows best Vinod'

And my favourite still is when they give you an 'insight' which to them seems all so profound when in actual fact it only peels at the very superficial veneer of all that you have already been dealing with and going through...

'God is testing you...'

'God is moulding you...'

'Maybe there's a lesson for you to learn here...'

'Believe in Him Vinod... look at it as God's will for your life'

or worse still when they claim to 'empathise' and 'understand' when it's obvious that they can't possibly.

And it's not like i haven't had my fair share of 'tests'.

It's not like i'm this naive and inexperienced child that cries at every instance of difficulty.

It serves as a reminder to me too as i go through some of these 'tests' of how and how not to respond to the 'plight' of others.

How to be careful not to assume or presume...and yet be sincere with my feelings and honest in my experience...and loyal to the Truth.

While it may be 'simple' it sure isn't 'easy'...

*ok coming back...

So yes.
i look at some of the stuff i've been through and am still going through and it's a realisation that i have to remind myself about... that this is when truth becomes TRUTH.
This is when knowledge becomes KNOWLEDGE.
This is when we really KNOW what we know.
This is when we become men of our word and not just men of the word.
This is when the rubber hits the road.
This is when reality kicks in.
This is when 'life' happens.

And so i grit my teeth and brace myself for the 'ride' as i remember that the lessons of life are hardly ever learnt from the pages of a 'book' per say or in the safety, seclusion and sterility of the 'classroom'.

It's learnt 'out there'.
It's learnt in the being and the doing.
It's learnt in the visceral experiences and applications of the complexities of life.

Life is about getting our hands dirty and dealing with the bumps and bruises along the way.

i need to decompress

2009-04-06T02:36:00.000-07:00

i feel like my head is gonna explode!
Not to mention my heart and body with it!

Sigh.

i am desperate for God to throw me a rope... can feel myself submerging in the quicksand of my own anger, frustration and angst.

i need to 'breathe'.

i'm 'waiting to exhale'... and the more i desperately want to, the more i feel the urge welling up inside of me... the more i feel restrained and constrained from doing so.

like i'm being 'suffocated'... forced to hold my breath.
Like my head is being drowned underwater and i'm struggling for breath but to no avail.

God... c'mon.... where is the light at the end of this tunnel...
Where is the hand that's reaching out to grab me just before i go under...

And yet my souls whispers to me...

... yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil...
For You are with me... Your rod and Your staff they comfort me... You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies... You anoint my head with oil my cup runneth over...

Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Amen.

*vinod closes his eyes and suddenly here's the song 'Yet wil i praise Thee' playing...he wants to weep but somehow the tears don't surface... perhaps the water has run dry.*

ok i think i'm 'hooked'

2009-04-02T17:55:00.001-07:00

yes, yes... my wife got me the second season DVD box set for my birthday and i've been watching it ever since.

Finished it yesterday in fact ;)

Yup. i'm 'hooked'.

i'm anxious not so much with knowing what's going to happen next but more so with what the overall picture is... what the whole 'mystery' is (and all the little ones intertwined in it).

The second season was in my opinion filled with far more unexpected twists and turns but at times felt a bit wearisome what with the sometimes too often necessary (at least i felt) recaps from the previous season.

Also, i think that this season had a lot more 'weight' to it.

The incidences and issues that the characters seem to be dealing with could very well be interpreted to pay reference and act as a metaphor for the bigger issues that we face day to day.

Like the whole 'pushing the button' thing...

i mean, to me, it stands for the almost perpetual tussle we face with regards to the fine line between faith and fact... and whether the things that we do out of 'faith' is really of any consequence or are we simply misplacing a sense of meaning and purpose to an otherwise insignificant and otherwise 'illogical' act.

And i think while the 'direct' references to the specifics may be subtle... the themes in this season weren't.

Faith. Religion. Science.

These were some of the more prevalent overarching concepts that seem to hold the storyline together and i couldn't help but wonder if the creators were either 'poking' fun at some of these ideas as they apply to real life or sincerely addressing the very real questions that people face with respect to them.

Season 3 here i come....

hehe

Why?

2009-04-02T02:01:00.000-07:00

Why is it that in a place like Labuan where resources are limited and the population is small that i get the 'rare' cases?

Genius

2009-04-01T00:25:00.000-07:00

i would have scanned in a couple of my favourite strips from the books i have with me now... if only i had a scanner.

Trust me you really should get your hands on a piece of Bill Watterson's briliance.

You won't look at life the same way anymore.
Or even kids for that matter ;)

Encouragement

2009-03-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

My wife shared with me a portion of Scripture yesterday and it spoke volumes to me.
Timely... to say the least.

Psalm 37
1Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

2For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

6And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

7Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

8Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

9For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

10For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

11But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

overgrown children?

2009-03-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

With all the recent thoughts and ruminations i have been having with regards to the whole issue of 'maturity'... it's ironic that i seem to be surrounded by 'immaturity' instead.

Sure, i've been dealing with my own issues with regards to this area and as such, have begun t0 put in a more 'intentional' effort in focusing and building on it...

But to be fair, the 'immaturity' i'm talking about here is very different.

It's not the kind that is in relation to the 'higher' virtues of spirituality and purpose and perhaps even philosophy, principles and ethics....

It's the elementary and rudimentary kind.
The kind that involves very basic things like respect and honour and courtesy.

And it's even more disgustingly apparent when the immaturity is set against the background of 'mature' physical age.

These are people who are in their 40s and 50s and yet behave like their from some nursery or some teenage convent (no offense to convert girls the world over)!

Seriously.

What's with all the bickering? Backbiting? Gossip? Two-tongued talk?
What's with all the facades? Lying? Over-valued ideas of self?

Fine.
You want to wallow in your little puddle of self-importance... just don't pull me into it.
Go ahead and bathe in your overinflated pride and underestimated deficiencies... just don't think you can fool me with your pathetic pitiable persona.

The day will come, and sooner than you and i think, that we'll have to give an account for everything before Him.
Where nothing will be shrouded.
Nothing will be hidden.
No rock will be left unturned.

Be 'satisfied' while you can with yourself for in due time all shall be revealed.

a maturity in discipline

2009-03-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

i have to admit that i have yet to truly appreciate and appropriate discipline.

Yes, there are the more 'obvious' aspects like taking care of my health, in particular my eating habits and exercise routine (or the lack of it) and sleep practices (or again the lack of them)...

But these aspects while important (and i'm in no way making excuses for myself) are not as pertinent and crucial as the more 'subtle' and almost unquantifiable aspects... like obedience.

See, when i was a 'younger' Christian... discipline came more from the part of God. He would 'teach' and 'rebuke' and 'chastise' as He saw fit and appropriate out of the deepest love possible for me, His child, through sometimes difficulties and problems and disappointments or even sometimes through simply allowing me to bear the 'consequences' of my own actions and mistakes while giving me the grace to do so.

God was (and still is) like that parent who says 'No' and follows-through with a feel of the 'rod' when his toddler misbehaves.

But i believe like all children there comes a time as the child grows-up where such methods are not necessary or even effective anymore.

Any earthly parent can tell you that there is point in a child's life (in some cases even up to the late teens) when 'spanking' and telling them 'No' just ain't gonna cut it.

Children grow up.

Whether they do so in every appropriate and expected and even needed aspect is another issue altogether but at the very least it has to be said that at least physically speaking... they grow up.

And i believe the same goes when it comes to our relationship with God, our Abba Father....

There comes a point when, for our own sakes and our own 'development' in Him, He purposefully and intentionally 'refrains' from using His rod. There comes a time in our walk with Him, as we seek to mature (and i'm certain He wants us to, all the more) and move on from being just 'children' to becoming 'sons', that discipline can't just come from Him but has to come from us.

We need to decide to discipline ourselves.

We need to begin to take responsibility for our own course of action.
Our obedience to Him needs to stem forth from our own commitment and adherence to Him.
Yes, He embraces us and yes, He upholds us, and yes, it is by His grace.... but the time will come (and in many instances has already) that we need to stand on our own two feet so to speak and make a decision and follow-through with action on our own accord.

Not needing to have Him hold our hand.
Surely by now we should have learnt already to 'cross the road on our own' right?

Not needing to have Him repeatedly 'beat' our hand when we play with fire cos' surely we should have learnt by now that it burns right?

Yes, it has been proven throughout history as documented in the Bible that His people are a very forgetful bunch... still we should not use them as our excuse neither should we use them as our examples.

Let's look unto Jesus.
The Master of Obedience.
The one who looked at temptation in it's eye and gave it no satisfaction.
The one who stood His ground like no other and made a intentional effort every step of the way and all the way... even to the point of His death at the cross. Every stripe suffered of His own accord. All the pain took upon of His own accord. No one... not even God Himself... forced Him to do it.

He chose. He committed Himself. He disciplined Himself.

And so we take our lead from Him.
The Son Himself.
That we too should discipline ourselves...
... for His sake.

And not always the other way around.

Lost

2009-03-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, i am so backdated.. i know ;)

i've heard all kinds of 'stories' about 'Lost' the series that i guess it made me pretty reluctant to take it up and follow.

Especially since, apparently, there were 'issues' somewhere through the second or third season with regards to disgruntled fans feeling exasperated with all the mysteries that appear to lead nowhere...

Having said that, irresistible deals like 50% off the second original dvd box set proved a sufficient impetus to move me to giving it a go anyhow.

And to my pleasant surprise i might add.

Yup, initially it seemed that it was gonna be one of those long and draggy series that have more than it's share of subplots to cope with... but then in no time i found myself getting immersed with the development of the respective characters and the overall progress of the character ensemble.

With more than a few twists (although some of which i managed to guess beforehand) and a dash of dry wit and 'black humour' here and there mixed in with a generous amount of emotional undertones... the story is well worth following (at least for now) ;)

Yup, i think 'Lost' ain't that bad at all and i dare say that i'm looking forward to the seasons to come.

p/s: To all those who are just itching to tell me some of the 'secrets' that have yet to unfold since you're probably way into the series compared to me... i say.. please, hold your tongue ;)

tested and tried...

2009-03-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the real test is when you feel you've been tested enough already...

HAIYA!

2009-03-18T18:32:00.000-07:00

i felt our baby kick for the first time yesterday night!

;)

'He' has been kicking away prior to this according to my wife but thus far the kicks/movements have been difficult for me to appreciate externally through contact....

...till yesterday night ;)

pretty strong fella we've got in there ;) hehe

Cravings...

2009-03-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

some chit chat the other day with friends brought to remembrance the wonderful flavours of nyonya kuehs and other delectable local desserts...

Pushing daisies

2009-03-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

Now, initially i have to admit that the whole concept took a bit of getting used to.

Sure, it' a very original idea and all but it falls more into the category of queer and peculiar rather than brilliant and genius.... almost 'foreign' and ya, really strectching it given the whole creative liberty and suspended disbelief thing.

But having said that, it starts to 'grow' on you.

And what initially induced a perhaps averse reaction (intellectually speaking) started making more 'sense'.

It's a comedy.

So if you're looking for some intense subplots and abstract references to philosophies and schools of thought... well, this isn't really the place.

However, the characters are rich, the emotional tone bold yet soft and the visuals are stunning with a luxurious use of colour and hues that even leave the 'colour-blind' in awe ;) What's more the special effects while not exactly the 'blow your mind' sort, still is very apt and tasteful in it's role and use.

Overall, i find the series pretty 'delicious'.

In fact, i'll be very surprised that if by the end of the season you're not craving for some pie of your own ;)

what am i? your doormat??

2009-03-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

ok i know i'm sometimes vague with who or what particular circumstance i'm referring to but in this case i really can't reveal the specifics.

So...

i don't quite know how to put it into words but there are some people in 'authority' that directly concern me that are using and abusing their 'power' to their own ends!
To the detriment of those under, around and in any way related to what they do and the decisions they make!

Sigh.

today was another incidence (which i shan't go into detail) but basically there was an issue of shrugging off responsibilities that the person in question himself/herself volunteered to take up.
And not just any responsibility mind you but... lives... lives are at stake.

i had to put my foot down and make it clear that i'm not going to be at the receiving end of somebody else's responsibilities (irregardless of who or how 'big time' they may be)... as it is i've got more than enough to deal with on my own and more than appropriately so.

but now i guess i've made myself 'vulnerable' to the person(s) fancies.
i may/may not get what i deserve because he/she happens to be the person with the power to make the decisions as to whether i get/don't get them.

i may/may not move beyond where i am because again the decision is in the hands of the said person(s).

Sigh.

i know i need not fear.
My conscience is clear.
My reasons are solid.
and most of all... My God is for me (He's far far more 'BIG TIME' than all these kuci-rats)!

yet, i'm upset with the injustice.
With these people thinking that they're invincible and that somehow the 'rules' don't apply to them or even that they make the 'rules'.

PLEASE LA!!!
GROW A BRAIN!!!
AND A HEART WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!!!

i take comfort in the fact that God is my shelter and my rear guard and my avenger.
i take comfort in the truth that "we reap what we sow"... and boy oh boy... these people sure are going to reap!!

100th post? Really?

2009-03-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

waaaaah... looks like my attempt at reviving my blog since it went into a temporary slumber after 2004 really worked!

100!

fooyeoh!

proud of myself ;)

most people miss it

2009-03-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

There are not many people who know just how brilliant my wife, Ling is.

Most have the immediate impression that she's generally the 'quiet-type' and therefore assume that she doesn't really have much to say. It's no secret that she is of a chinese-ED background and so not as 'eloquent' as some may expect.

But...

nothing could be further from the truth!

She's brilliant!
Really.

i can't even begin to detail to you the numerous accounts of me benefiting from her wisdom and perspectives. She has the keen ability to gain tremendous insight on matters with a very healthy proportion of wit, practicality, logic and reason while being generous with her words and sincere in her feelings.

She achieves the 'perfect' balance of appealing to the mind while taking care of the heart.

Sure, i may be able to 'say more'.
But she... she says exactly what needs to be heard in exactly the right way while addressing exactly the matter of concern and uncovering the underlying issues pertaining to it.

She sees 'through' the problem and yet has the patience and kindness to walk the person she's talking to through to reaching its conclusion.

It's hard to describe exactly her genius (intellectually, emotionally and socially) ...
She 'gets' it.
She 'gets' me.

No matter how much i may beat around the bush and even subconsciously sometimes drown out the 'real' issues with my many words and sometimes wide vocabulary, she almost immediately sees and understands it... and not just what i'm saying but more so as a result what needs to be said in response.. what i need to hear... not just to soothe and placate my feelings (which she always does so tenderly) but help me deal with the issue at hand.

Like a caring doctor (which she is) who listens intently to me (the patient) going on and on about my 'symptoms' with sometimes my own sense of what is wrong with me... only to come to a proper 'diagnosis' and arrive to a necessary plan of care and management while still addressing my concerns about the symptoms.

Sorry for the medical analogy... but that's how i can describe it.

i thank God for her and for her insight.

And the reason i'm saying this is because most people (well, at least those who don't know her well enough) totally miss this about her.

They have a casual conversation with her and they walk away not realising they just encountered brilliance ;)

Bao bei, i love you and i thank God for giving me a companion like you.
You have been a major instrument that God has been using (and i believe will continue to use) to mould and make me into the man He wants me to be.

thank you.

an unconventional love story

2009-03-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly thoughtful.
Right off the bat, you're faced with the sheer wit and raw intelligent humour that's quite the rarity these days when it comes to movies.

This one doesn't even need to try.

The dialogue is genius with little gems of anecdotes and neologisms that had me mulling over them way after the movie was over and left me smiling just at the reminiscence of their use.

Sure, the movie is not a moral compass in and of itself but it's beauty and depth lies in it's ability to challenge and explore our perhaps already 'set' principles and beliefs and maybe even shed some fresh light on some of the 'grey-er' aspects.

At the same time and refreshingly unlike other movies which try too hard to speak and stand for something deeper... this one infuses such a generous amount of warmth and sincere honest affection that your heart too is won over.

And to accomplish all that under the 'guise' of an unassuming teenage flick!

Genius.

Yup, there'll definitely be that minority few who miss totally what this movie is about and seeks to invoke. In fact, i'd say out of the 10 persons who watch it, 2 may totally miss the point and therefore utterly fail to appreciate it's wondrous beauty.

At least that's my 'guesstimation' ;)

Polarizing filter

2009-03-09T06:16:00.000-07:00

my first time using a polarizing filter...

turned out pretty good i think, especially to the untrained eye like mine ;)
not much editing required either ;)

definitely gonna make more use of it.

hmmmnnn...

2009-03-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

i sat in for the child psychiatry clinic yesterday together with the visiting child psychiatrist...

it made me think...

a lot...

About children,
About parents,

about me...

*sigh*

now i strive to be as honest and transparent as i possibly can on my blog. But the fact of the matter is that you have no control over who reads what's written and what they may think or if they'll understand... and the possible consequences that may subsequently follow.

Trust me, i've had my share of terrible experiences (not pertaining to my blog per say... as yet... but definitely something similar) and maybe the 'sting' of those experiences have left me rather reluctant to say exactly what's on my mind and heart.

i'm obviously digressing... but i guess this is sort of a lengthy 'disclaimer' for some of what i may be saying here.
i'm just trying to be honest without the intention of hurting anyone per say or being vindictive or anything like that. Cos' that has never been my intention. i call it as i see it. That's it.

Now that i've cleared that up...

back to what i was getting at.

So ya, i was looking at all these kids coming in with their parents and considering all the problems they were facing.
How 'tough' it is and must be for not just the kids but also the parents to come to terms with the problems the child was facing and the whole host of issues that are directly and indirectly affected and associated as a result.

But amidst all that, what 'struck' me (for lack of a better word) was just how 'much' love permeated the lives of these families.

Now, of course everybody loves their children.
No matter what...

but then again, is that entirely true?

that's when i started to reflect upon my life.

Without going into much detail at all about my family background or what i've been through (i'm really not seeking any validation)... i started to consider my life and my family...
and to be honest, i almost broke down in tears.

i didn't have any physical disability growing up (well, discounting my colour vision deficiency of course... you know what i mean).
i didn't have any psychiatric illness or disorder when i was younger (not that i have one now, but since we're restricting ourselves to just the past...you get it).
i was pretty 'normal'.

In fact, to be frank (and as you can tell by now, i'm really striving to be)... i wasn't just 'normal'.
i did well.
i excelled.
Academically.
Artistically.
Athletically.

Now, i'm obviously not saying that as a result of all these things i or anyone for that matter deserves to be loved 'more'... similarly no child should be loved 'less' for any 'deficiencies' they may have or suffer from...
Love is 'supposed to be' unconditional.

and yet, despite all that, my parents...
well, let's just say that i grew up pretty alone.
Even now... i sort of am (i'll leave it at that).

it made me wonder...

*vinod remembers his past but thanks God all the more that He has healed and delivered him from it's hold... that now he can talk and consider these things without hurt or malice... but whole... and then he looks to the future that God has in store for him*

See, i'm going to be a father soon (thank God!), what would my hopes and dreams be for my children?

Honestly, all i would want for my kids and all that i would be so thankful to God for, is for them to be just healthy and happy.
Really.

Sure, i'm concerned and interested in them becoming all that that they want to be, can be and God wants them to be... but that's really more of an issue of their attitudes... not aptitudes.

Sure, i want them to be active and outgoing as much as they are able and capable of doing... but that's more of an issue of health and wholeness... not accolades and achievements.

And yes, i would love for them to explore and grow in whatever talents that God has bestowed upon them... but that's more of an issue of honouring God with what He has given... not pride and popularity.

i'll be the happiest, proudest and most thankful dad in the world (there's no comparing but you get the point) if my children at the end of the day or even everyday for that matter can say that they're happy... that they're loved... that they're cherished... that they're appreciated... just for who they are (not for what they can/can't do).

Yes, i have no control over what may come (God always knows best) but i do have control over my choices... my priorities... my responses.

And i pray that as a soon to be father and parent, i'll never forget to be thankful to God for my children, His gifts to me.

God give me the grace to have your heart... a true father's heart.
That i would love as You love and see my children as You see Yours.
Without condition.
Without favouritism...

and... never taking them for granted.

i pray whenever my children think about me or my wife and the life they have/had with us... they'll smile.

Show me how.

Shiro Maguro

2009-03-03T05:16:00.000-08:00

ahhhh...

the beautiful taste of butter fish

mmmmmmmmm...mmmmmm

;)