Tuesday, December 30, 2008
i mean what's the point of having such a 'canggih-fied' phone which has all the capabilities when those capabilities overlap with the other gadgets you own that do those task all the better?
i tried to drag it on as much as i could but just problem after problem kept creeping up and it was evident that my phone was dying a slow and somewhat 'natural' death.
So, i sent it for repair (not too sure how much that would cost and if it's even worth repairing) and in the meantime...
Can't say i didn't try ;)
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
One of the many areas that i know i need to work on is having my ‘head screwed on tight’. Well, at least tighter than it used to be ;)
i think it is a problem of mine (and I would like to think most people…hey, i’ve got an ego too you know… hehe) that i get a tad bit too ‘emotional’. Now, i don’t just mean the whole “i cried watching that scene” (although that does tend to happen to me more often nowadays than before come to think of it). What i do mean is that more often than i would like, my feelings seem to motivate and drive my course of action. They attempt to overrun my logical and very rational thought processes. They tempt to derail me from what i believe and know to be true.
‘Mischief-makers’ they are sometimes.
i can relate to that portion of scripture where the Apostle Paul talks about the dichotomy of what you ought to do and what you actually end up doing. A seemingly losing battle between what the mind firmly belives and stands to and the almost opposite direction feelings take us.
My battleground is on the field of my soul where my flesh and Spirit war for my compliance that i may yield and follow suit.
Just obey, i say to myself.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
And it occurred to me lately that maybe some of that imagination has diminished.
i was watching the clouds to day and i realised my used ot be active imagination seemed almost hard-pressed to be conjured up.
i used to look at those 'cotton balls in the sky' and make out all kinds of resemblences of them.
They weren't just clouds.
They were dragons.
They were men on horses.
They were giants.
They were unicorns.
They were my uncles and aunts.
i could see 'things'.
But now, all i see are clouds.
i've got to start using my imagination more ;)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
There are days when i reach the hospital and all i think about is "What in the world am i doing here?" And the feeling gets worse either after a 'break' or whenever i'm oncall. i go through the day and i carry on to do the best i can with regards to work and all but i can't help but feel that... surely, there's more to life than this.
Hey, i'm human too bah. (notice the use of 'bah' that proves my assimilation into the community over here)
All i want is to be 'happy'.
Now, don't get me wrong. i've got a lot to thank God for. A lot.
And being in a relationship with Jesus has in itself built in me and birthed in me 'joy'.
And spending my life with my best friend (my wife) at my side and what more building a family with her has more than been a blessing and reward to me.
i've got a lot to be 'happy' about.
i just feel like 'breaking free' from what i do. i sometimes feel like maybe this isn't what i'm supposed to be doing with my life. Maybe... being a doctor is not for me.
And so i begin to ponder on what exactly my options are...
a) The military: A 'dream' of mine since awhile back which as it stands now is still pending to progress beyond it's current stage in it's processing
b) Full-time: Always been 'swimming around' in the back of my mind but honestly think it to be wrong to quit and go full-time based on the fact that i can't seem to 'cut' it in the 'world'. It's an insult to God don't you think?
c) God knows
And i guess i've got to go with option C.
The pursuit of 'happyness' can sometimes turn into a very self-seeking pursuit.
And indulgences are something i can't afford.
Perhaps it is part of God's plan as i stick with whatever it is i'm doing, through all of it, to iron out things in my life. To build in me more character. More patience. More responsibility. More sense. More trust. More hope. More love.
Perhaps life is not always and all about what's fun and easy and 'happy' all the time and everytime.
Sure, if i had a billion dollars i might not be doing what i am doing right now.
But then again, maybe i would. Especially if it means it achieves whatever it is God is trying to mould in me.
Sometimes it boils down to choosing between having that 'better' life or becoming a better man.
And i choose the latter.