Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Mini food blog :)

just a few of the 'indulgences' over the recent Christmas holiday...

Okay.. seriously.. no more toys ;)

What can i say? My phone has been giving me trouble for quite awhile now and yes, i've been wanting to change to something 'simpler'.

i mean what's the point of having such a 'canggih-fied' phone which has all the capabilities when those capabilities overlap with the other gadgets you own that do those task all the better?

So ya...

i tried to drag it on as much as i could but just problem after problem kept creeping up and it was evident that my phone was dying a slow and somewhat 'natural' death.
So, i sent it for repair (not too sure how much that would cost and if it's even worth repairing) and in the meantime...

Can't say i didn't try ;)

Sunday, December 28, 2008

the cost of INTEGRITY


Yup, that's right. That's how much the Microsoft Office for Mac 2008 costs. 

As compared to...

well, i didn't really check but i don't think i would be too far off the mark in venturing a guess that it probably only costs RM5 at a nearby pasar malam. 

Perhaps with more thrown in too  ;)

Like, i said... integrity has its costs.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


One of the many areas that i know i need to work on is having my ‘head screwed on tight’.  Well, at least tighter than it used to be ;)

i think it is a problem of mine (and I would like to think most people…hey, i’ve got an ego too you know… hehe) that i get a tad bit too ‘emotional’. Now, i don’t just mean the whole “i cried watching that scene” (although that does tend to happen to me more often nowadays than before come to think of it). What i do mean is that more often than i would like, my feelings seem to motivate and drive my course of action. They attempt to overrun my logical and very rational thought processes. They tempt to derail me from what i believe and know to be true.

‘Mischief-makers’ they are sometimes.

i can relate to that portion of scripture where the Apostle Paul talks about the dichotomy of what you ought to do and what you actually end up doing. A seemingly losing battle between what the mind firmly belives and stands to and the almost opposite direction feelings take us.

My battleground is on the field of my soul where my flesh and Spirit war for my compliance that i may yield and follow suit.

Just obey, i say to myself.

Just obey.



Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Losing my imagination?

You know when i was young(er) i used to have a wild wild imagination (in some ways i still do.. to my own detriment at times i have to add...hehe).

And it occurred to me lately that maybe some of that imagination has diminished.
i was watching the clouds to day and i realised my used ot be active imagination seemed almost hard-pressed to be conjured up.

i used to look at those 'cotton balls in the sky' and make out all kinds of resemblences of them.

They weren't just clouds.

They were dragons.
They were men on horses.
They were giants.
They were unicorns.
They were my uncles and aunts.

i could see 'things'.

But now, all i see are clouds.


i've got to start using my imagination more ;)

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's the final countdown!

FIVE more days to go!!!


i realised the other day that it's almost been 3 months since my wife and i went back home.
Oh my gosh! That's practically equivalent to a lifetime! (okay, maybe i'm exagerrating a little... but you get what i mean...hehe) ;)

i'm nothing short of absolutely excited. i've got so much on my mind and my heart that i want to do, see, buy, meet and eat ;)

Definitely want to spend most of the time catching up with family and loved ones. Over meals i reckon (yeah! the typical Malaysian style of which i'm a firm propagator..hehe)...

Also, gonna take the opportunity to do quite a bit of shopping and scouting around... especially for ling and the baby. Get an idea of the potential costs involved and work out some sort of 'ball-park' budget ;) Probably gonnae even start buying some maternity clothes for ling (there's usually a pretty good sale come year end so might as well capitalise on it) ;)

Ahhh shopping - another of my joys =)

*notice the number of 'smileys' i'm using in this particular blog. Gives you an idea of just how ecstatic i am about the prospect of going back*


And there's so much to look forward to for Christmas.
Massive Christmas musical production.
Dinners and lunches.
Going-out and hanging out.

Too bad i've only got a week or so.
But what a week it's going to be ;)

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Couvade syndrome?

There is a recognised phenomenon in which during pregnancy, the man (i.e. the father) actually shares or even substitutes the mother in terms of experiencing some of the symptoms associated with pregnancy.

This syndrome is known as "Couvade Syndrome".

It generally begins at the end of the first trimester and can increase in its severity up to the third trimester. Symptoms include nausea, vomiting, changes in appetite and even weight gain. There's a lot of information out there about this phenomenon and most of which actually come to the conclusion that this syndrome may have more of a 'physical' component than once thought.

Previously, it was the assumption that most if not all of these symptoms that make up the syndrome are purely psychosomatic (i.e. psychologically induced) seeing that there was no real physiological explanation for them. But the current school of thought seems to be shifting towards a more physical basis of which the exact cause is yet to be identified. Hormones are mainly to blame but which and how and why... well, that is yet to be known.

Interesting ain't it?

The father experiences "morning sickness" together with his pregnant wife.

In fact, it is documented in some cases that the father can even develop a 'baby belly' in which the abdomen becomes swollen resembling up to a 7 month pregnancy!

Now, i'm not sure if ill be one of the fathers that 'sympathises' with my wife's pregnancy to that extent.

Perhaps the weight gain i'm experiencing now and the occasional cravings are attributable to 'Couvade'.

then again maybe it's just my love for food! ;)

Monday, December 08, 2008

Bracing myself...

i'm really excited with all that's going on with ling's pregnancy and the fact that i'm going to be a father sooner than i think ;) (God willing - all goes well)

But at the same time i do have to admit that there's a lot to be considered and worked out. A lot to prepare for.

For a person like me, who's pretty used to 'change', i'm bracing myself for possibly the biggest change of my life thus far... becoming a father.

The more i take stock the more i edge into a sense of being overwhelmed by what's to come. Yet, i am insistent, with God's grace, to brave what things may come and as they come.

Here are some very 'practical' issues that have been 'swimming around in my head' for awhile now:

1. The hospital in which ling is going to deliver.

2. The immediate financial cost that the pregnancy is bound to incur, e.g maternal clothing, baby stuff, etc. etc.

3. The 'long leave' that ling will be on (we're sort of planning that she take about 1 to 2 years of leave... reasons for which i can't really explain here and now) and as such, the financial adjustments we'd have to make in terms of loan payments, our giving, etc. as we'll be sort of transforming from a dual income family to a single income family (at least for a time)

4. i would like ling to stay and be around family and loved ones after the delivery, i.e. in KL, which means on my end, arranging things and praying for God to somehow work something out so that ling and i can both be together in KL

And i haven't even touched the stuff about actually being a father (well, of course the issues mentioned above are part and parcel of it but you know what i mean)
i've been reading some articles off the net (planning to buy maybe 1 or two books about fatherhood too) and boy, oh boy, do i have my work cut out for me.

i mean not that i wasn't aware or anything like that... guess it's slowly starting to hit home that's all ;)

Still, as i put my trust in God who is my Abba Father, i'm certain that He will supply over and above all that i could ask, hope or imagine.

DAD... help me ;)

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

the pursuit of happyness

There are days when i reach the hospital and all i think about is "What in the world am i doing here?" And the feeling gets worse either after a 'break' or whenever i'm oncall. i go through the day and i carry on to do the best i can with regards to work and all but i can't help but feel that... surely, there's more to life than this.

Hey, i'm human too bah. (notice the use of 'bah' that proves my assimilation into the community over here)

All i want is to be 'happy'.

Now, don't get me wrong. i've got a lot to thank God for. A lot.

And being in a relationship with Jesus has in itself built in me and birthed in me 'joy'.

And spending my life with my best friend (my wife) at my side and what more building a family with her has more than been a blessing and reward to me.

i've got a lot to be 'happy' about.

but still...
i just feel like 'breaking free' from what i do. i sometimes feel like maybe this isn't what i'm supposed to be doing with my life. Maybe... being a doctor is not for me.
And so i begin to ponder on what exactly my options are...

a) The military: A 'dream' of mine since awhile back which as it stands now is still pending to progress beyond it's current stage in it's processing
b) Full-time: Always been 'swimming around' in the back of my mind but honestly think it to be wrong to quit and go full-time based on the fact that i can't seem to 'cut' it in the 'world'. It's an insult to God don't you think?
c) God knows

And i guess i've got to go with option C.

The pursuit of 'happyness' can sometimes turn into a very self-seeking pursuit.
An indulgence.
And indulgences are something i can't afford.

Perhaps it is part of God's plan as i stick with whatever it is i'm doing, through all of it, to iron out things in my life. To build in me more character. More patience. More responsibility. More sense. More trust. More hope. More love.

Perhaps life is not always and all about what's fun and easy and 'happy' all the time and everytime.

Sure, if i had a billion dollars i might not be doing what i am doing right now.

But then again, maybe i would. Especially if it means it achieves whatever it is God is trying to mould in me.

Sometimes it boils down to choosing between having that 'better' life or becoming a better man.

And i choose the latter.

i can't wait to go home for christmas...

Doesn't it sound like the opening line to some Christmas season song of some sort?

But the fact of the matter is... i really can't.
i really can't wait to go home for Christmas.

What am i saying? i really can't wait to go home period ;)
Doesn't matter if it's for Christmas, or Chinese New Year or Hari Raya (like that will ever happen)... i just can't wait to go home.

But what makes Christmas all the more special is the fact that ... everybody is around. The kids are on school holidays... church is busy with the upcoming Christmas play and the sort and even the ones who are working tend to use up all that accumulated leave before it gets 'burned' come year end.

So it's perfect timing to catch up and spend time with loved ones. To do things together. To go places together. To stay over.

And there's just something about the mood and atmosphere during Christmas don't you think?

Sure, i could be biased (cos' i am a Christian myself) but honestly, don't you think that somehow Christmas just feels 'happier'?

Maybe it's all the christmas carols playing on the radio wherever you go. Or all that frenzy about buying gifts and giving them (well, most look forward to the receiving) and not to mention all the 'end year sales' that distracts you to splurge on yourself while your at it. Or the nice warm and 'comfy' colours associated with Christmas that decorates most commercial and even some residential areas.

Or maybe it's just the fact that it marks the end of yet another year. Maybe it brings some sort of feeling of closure. An end to another chapter.
And as humans i think we all find some form of solace in that.
And with that closure... marks also the beginning of a new year... a new chapter.
And that i guess fills the milieu with a sense of hope and expectancy.
Some sense that things are somehow going to look better and brighter come the following year.

Maybe Christmas is all that.

This time around Christmas is gonna feel 'happier' for me =)
With Ling carrying our baby (a real gift from God, talk about an early Christmas gift hehe)... i feel all the more the need to be surrounded by friends and family... people we love and care about.

Joy is meant to be shared.
Good things are meant to be celebrated... together.
And what better a season to celebrate
than Christmas.