My wife shared with me a portion of Scripture yesterday and it spoke volumes to me.
Timely... to say the least.
Psalm 37
1Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
2For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
7Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
8Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
9For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
10For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
11But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
overgrown children?
With all the recent thoughts and ruminations i have been having with regards to the whole issue of 'maturity'... it's ironic that i seem to be surrounded by 'immaturity' instead.
Sure, i've been dealing with my own issues with regards to this area and as such, have begun t0 put in a more 'intentional' effort in focusing and building on it...
But to be fair, the 'immaturity' i'm talking about here is very different.
It's not the kind that is in relation to the 'higher' virtues of spirituality and purpose and perhaps even philosophy, principles and ethics....
It's the elementary and rudimentary kind.
The kind that involves very basic things like respect and honour and courtesy.
And it's even more disgustingly apparent when the immaturity is set against the background of 'mature' physical age.
These are people who are in their 40s and 50s and yet behave like their from some nursery or some teenage convent (no offense to convert girls the world over)!
Seriously.
What's with all the bickering? Backbiting? Gossip? Two-tongued talk?
What's with all the facades? Lying? Over-valued ideas of self?
Fine.
You want to wallow in your little puddle of self-importance... just don't pull me into it.
Go ahead and bathe in your overinflated pride and underestimated deficiencies... just don't think you can fool me with your pathetic pitiable persona.
The day will come, and sooner than you and i think, that we'll have to give an account for everything before Him.
Where nothing will be shrouded.
Nothing will be hidden.
No rock will be left unturned.
Be 'satisfied' while you can with yourself for in due time all shall be revealed.
Sure, i've been dealing with my own issues with regards to this area and as such, have begun t0 put in a more 'intentional' effort in focusing and building on it...
But to be fair, the 'immaturity' i'm talking about here is very different.
It's not the kind that is in relation to the 'higher' virtues of spirituality and purpose and perhaps even philosophy, principles and ethics....
It's the elementary and rudimentary kind.
The kind that involves very basic things like respect and honour and courtesy.
And it's even more disgustingly apparent when the immaturity is set against the background of 'mature' physical age.
These are people who are in their 40s and 50s and yet behave like their from some nursery or some teenage convent (no offense to convert girls the world over)!
Seriously.
What's with all the bickering? Backbiting? Gossip? Two-tongued talk?
What's with all the facades? Lying? Over-valued ideas of self?
Fine.
You want to wallow in your little puddle of self-importance... just don't pull me into it.
Go ahead and bathe in your overinflated pride and underestimated deficiencies... just don't think you can fool me with your pathetic pitiable persona.
The day will come, and sooner than you and i think, that we'll have to give an account for everything before Him.
Where nothing will be shrouded.
Nothing will be hidden.
No rock will be left unturned.
Be 'satisfied' while you can with yourself for in due time all shall be revealed.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
a maturity in discipline
i have to admit that i have yet to truly appreciate and appropriate discipline.
Yes, there are the more 'obvious' aspects like taking care of my health, in particular my eating habits and exercise routine (or the lack of it) and sleep practices (or again the lack of them)...
But these aspects while important (and i'm in no way making excuses for myself) are not as pertinent and crucial as the more 'subtle' and almost unquantifiable aspects... like obedience.
See, when i was a 'younger' Christian... discipline came more from the part of God. He would 'teach' and 'rebuke' and 'chastise' as He saw fit and appropriate out of the deepest love possible for me, His child, through sometimes difficulties and problems and disappointments or even sometimes through simply allowing me to bear the 'consequences' of my own actions and mistakes while giving me the grace to do so.
God was (and still is) like that parent who says 'No' and follows-through with a feel of the 'rod' when his toddler misbehaves.
But i believe like all children there comes a time as the child grows-up where such methods are not necessary or even effective anymore.
Any earthly parent can tell you that there is point in a child's life (in some cases even up to the late teens) when 'spanking' and telling them 'No' just ain't gonna cut it.
Children grow up.
Whether they do so in every appropriate and expected and even needed aspect is another issue altogether but at the very least it has to be said that at least physically speaking... they grow up.
And i believe the same goes when it comes to our relationship with God, our Abba Father....
There comes a point when, for our own sakes and our own 'development' in Him, He purposefully and intentionally 'refrains' from using His rod. There comes a time in our walk with Him, as we seek to mature (and i'm certain He wants us to, all the more) and move on from being just 'children' to becoming 'sons', that discipline can't just come from Him but has to come from us.
We need to decide to discipline ourselves.
We need to begin to take responsibility for our own course of action.
Our obedience to Him needs to stem forth from our own commitment and adherence to Him.
Yes, He embraces us and yes, He upholds us, and yes, it is by His grace.... but the time will come (and in many instances has already) that we need to stand on our own two feet so to speak and make a decision and follow-through with action on our own accord.
Not needing to have Him hold our hand.
Surely by now we should have learnt already to 'cross the road on our own' right?
Not needing to have Him repeatedly 'beat' our hand when we play with fire cos' surely we should have learnt by now that it burns right?
Yes, it has been proven throughout history as documented in the Bible that His people are a very forgetful bunch... still we should not use them as our excuse neither should we use them as our examples.
Let's look unto Jesus.
The Master of Obedience.
The one who looked at temptation in it's eye and gave it no satisfaction.
The one who stood His ground like no other and made a intentional effort every step of the way and all the way... even to the point of His death at the cross. Every stripe suffered of His own accord. All the pain took upon of His own accord. No one... not even God Himself... forced Him to do it.
He chose. He committed Himself. He disciplined Himself.
And so we take our lead from Him.
The Son Himself.
That we too should discipline ourselves...
... for His sake.
And not always the other way around.
Yes, there are the more 'obvious' aspects like taking care of my health, in particular my eating habits and exercise routine (or the lack of it) and sleep practices (or again the lack of them)...
But these aspects while important (and i'm in no way making excuses for myself) are not as pertinent and crucial as the more 'subtle' and almost unquantifiable aspects... like obedience.
See, when i was a 'younger' Christian... discipline came more from the part of God. He would 'teach' and 'rebuke' and 'chastise' as He saw fit and appropriate out of the deepest love possible for me, His child, through sometimes difficulties and problems and disappointments or even sometimes through simply allowing me to bear the 'consequences' of my own actions and mistakes while giving me the grace to do so.
God was (and still is) like that parent who says 'No' and follows-through with a feel of the 'rod' when his toddler misbehaves.
But i believe like all children there comes a time as the child grows-up where such methods are not necessary or even effective anymore.
Any earthly parent can tell you that there is point in a child's life (in some cases even up to the late teens) when 'spanking' and telling them 'No' just ain't gonna cut it.
Children grow up.
Whether they do so in every appropriate and expected and even needed aspect is another issue altogether but at the very least it has to be said that at least physically speaking... they grow up.
And i believe the same goes when it comes to our relationship with God, our Abba Father....
There comes a point when, for our own sakes and our own 'development' in Him, He purposefully and intentionally 'refrains' from using His rod. There comes a time in our walk with Him, as we seek to mature (and i'm certain He wants us to, all the more) and move on from being just 'children' to becoming 'sons', that discipline can't just come from Him but has to come from us.
We need to decide to discipline ourselves.
We need to begin to take responsibility for our own course of action.
Our obedience to Him needs to stem forth from our own commitment and adherence to Him.
Yes, He embraces us and yes, He upholds us, and yes, it is by His grace.... but the time will come (and in many instances has already) that we need to stand on our own two feet so to speak and make a decision and follow-through with action on our own accord.
Not needing to have Him hold our hand.
Surely by now we should have learnt already to 'cross the road on our own' right?
Not needing to have Him repeatedly 'beat' our hand when we play with fire cos' surely we should have learnt by now that it burns right?
Yes, it has been proven throughout history as documented in the Bible that His people are a very forgetful bunch... still we should not use them as our excuse neither should we use them as our examples.
Let's look unto Jesus.
The Master of Obedience.
The one who looked at temptation in it's eye and gave it no satisfaction.
The one who stood His ground like no other and made a intentional effort every step of the way and all the way... even to the point of His death at the cross. Every stripe suffered of His own accord. All the pain took upon of His own accord. No one... not even God Himself... forced Him to do it.
He chose. He committed Himself. He disciplined Himself.
And so we take our lead from Him.
The Son Himself.
That we too should discipline ourselves...
... for His sake.
And not always the other way around.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Lost
Yes, yes, i am so backdated.. i know ;)
i've heard all kinds of 'stories' about 'Lost' the series that i guess it made me pretty reluctant to take it up and follow.
Especially since, apparently, there were 'issues' somewhere through the second or third season with regards to disgruntled fans feeling exasperated with all the mysteries that appear to lead nowhere...
Having said that, irresistible deals like 50% off the second original dvd box set proved a sufficient impetus to move me to giving it a go anyhow.
And to my pleasant surprise i might add.
Yup, initially it seemed that it was gonna be one of those long and draggy series that have more than it's share of subplots to cope with... but then in no time i found myself getting immersed with the development of the respective characters and the overall progress of the character ensemble.
With more than a few twists (although some of which i managed to guess beforehand) and a dash of dry wit and 'black humour' here and there mixed in with a generous amount of emotional undertones... the story is well worth following (at least for now) ;)
Yup, i think 'Lost' ain't that bad at all and i dare say that i'm looking forward to the seasons to come.
p/s: To all those who are just itching to tell me some of the 'secrets' that have yet to unfold since you're probably way into the series compared to me... i say.. please, hold your tongue ;)
Monday, March 23, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
*HAIYA!*
i felt our baby kick for the first time yesterday night!
;)
'He' has been kicking away prior to this according to my wife but thus far the kicks/movements have been difficult for me to appreciate externally through contact....
...till yesterday night ;)
pretty strong fella we've got in there ;) hehe
;)
'He' has been kicking away prior to this according to my wife but thus far the kicks/movements have been difficult for me to appreciate externally through contact....
...till yesterday night ;)
pretty strong fella we've got in there ;) hehe
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Cravings...
some chit chat the other day with friends brought to remembrance the wonderful flavours of nyonya kuehs and other delectable local desserts...
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Pushing daisies
Now, initially i have to admit that the whole concept took a bit of getting used to.
Sure, it' a very original idea and all but it falls more into the category of queer and peculiar rather than brilliant and genius.... almost 'foreign' and ya, really strectching it given the whole creative liberty and suspended disbelief thing.
But having said that, it starts to 'grow' on you.
And what initially induced a perhaps averse reaction (intellectually speaking) started making more 'sense'.
It's a comedy.
So if you're looking for some intense subplots and abstract references to philosophies and schools of thought... well, this isn't really the place.
However, the characters are rich, the emotional tone bold yet soft and the visuals are stunning with a luxurious use of colour and hues that even leave the 'colour-blind' in awe ;) What's more the special effects while not exactly the 'blow your mind' sort, still is very apt and tasteful in it's role and use.
Overall, i find the series pretty 'delicious'.
In fact, i'll be very surprised that if by the end of the season you're not craving for some pie of your own ;)
Friday, March 13, 2009
what am i? your doormat??
ok i know i'm sometimes vague with who or what particular circumstance i'm referring to but in this case i really can't reveal the specifics.
So...
i don't quite know how to put it into words but there are some people in 'authority' that directly concern me that are using and abusing their 'power' to their own ends!
To the detriment of those under, around and in any way related to what they do and the decisions they make!
Sigh.
today was another incidence (which i shan't go into detail) but basically there was an issue of shrugging off responsibilities that the person in question himself/herself volunteered to take up.
And not just any responsibility mind you but... lives... lives are at stake.
i had to put my foot down and make it clear that i'm not going to be at the receiving end of somebody else's responsibilities (irregardless of who or how 'big time' they may be)... as it is i've got more than enough to deal with on my own and more than appropriately so.
but now i guess i've made myself 'vulnerable' to the person(s) fancies.
i may/may not get what i deserve because he/she happens to be the person with the power to make the decisions as to whether i get/don't get them.
i may/may not move beyond where i am because again the decision is in the hands of the said person(s).
Sigh.
i know i need not fear.
My conscience is clear.
My reasons are solid.
and most of all... My God is for me (He's far far more 'BIG TIME' than all these kuci-rats)!
yet, i'm upset with the injustice.
With these people thinking that they're invincible and that somehow the 'rules' don't apply to them or even that they make the 'rules'.
PLEASE LA!!!
GROW A BRAIN!!!
AND A HEART WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!!!
i take comfort in the fact that God is my shelter and my rear guard and my avenger.
i take comfort in the truth that "we reap what we sow"... and boy oh boy... these people sure are going to reap!!
So...
i don't quite know how to put it into words but there are some people in 'authority' that directly concern me that are using and abusing their 'power' to their own ends!
To the detriment of those under, around and in any way related to what they do and the decisions they make!
Sigh.
today was another incidence (which i shan't go into detail) but basically there was an issue of shrugging off responsibilities that the person in question himself/herself volunteered to take up.
And not just any responsibility mind you but... lives... lives are at stake.
i had to put my foot down and make it clear that i'm not going to be at the receiving end of somebody else's responsibilities (irregardless of who or how 'big time' they may be)... as it is i've got more than enough to deal with on my own and more than appropriately so.
but now i guess i've made myself 'vulnerable' to the person(s) fancies.
i may/may not get what i deserve because he/she happens to be the person with the power to make the decisions as to whether i get/don't get them.
i may/may not move beyond where i am because again the decision is in the hands of the said person(s).
Sigh.
i know i need not fear.
My conscience is clear.
My reasons are solid.
and most of all... My God is for me (He's far far more 'BIG TIME' than all these kuci-rats)!
yet, i'm upset with the injustice.
With these people thinking that they're invincible and that somehow the 'rules' don't apply to them or even that they make the 'rules'.
PLEASE LA!!!
GROW A BRAIN!!!
AND A HEART WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!!!
i take comfort in the fact that God is my shelter and my rear guard and my avenger.
i take comfort in the truth that "we reap what we sow"... and boy oh boy... these people sure are going to reap!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
100th post? Really?
waaaaah... looks like my attempt at reviving my blog since it went into a temporary slumber after 2004 really worked!
100!
fooyeoh!
proud of myself ;)
100!
fooyeoh!
proud of myself ;)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
most people miss it
There are not many people who know just how brilliant my wife, Ling is.
Most have the immediate impression that she's generally the 'quiet-type' and therefore assume that she doesn't really have much to say. It's no secret that she is of a chinese-ED background and so not as 'eloquent' as some may expect.
But...
nothing could be further from the truth!
She's brilliant!
Really.
i can't even begin to detail to you the numerous accounts of me benefiting from her wisdom and perspectives. She has the keen ability to gain tremendous insight on matters with a very healthy proportion of wit, practicality, logic and reason while being generous with her words and sincere in her feelings.
She achieves the 'perfect' balance of appealing to the mind while taking care of the heart.
Sure, i may be able to 'say more'.
But she... she says exactly what needs to be heard in exactly the right way while addressing exactly the matter of concern and uncovering the underlying issues pertaining to it.
She sees 'through' the problem and yet has the patience and kindness to walk the person she's talking to through to reaching its conclusion.
It's hard to describe exactly her genius (intellectually, emotionally and socially) ...
She 'gets' it.
She 'gets' me.
No matter how much i may beat around the bush and even subconsciously sometimes drown out the 'real' issues with my many words and sometimes wide vocabulary, she almost immediately sees and understands it... and not just what i'm saying but more so as a result what needs to be said in response.. what i need to hear... not just to soothe and placate my feelings (which she always does so tenderly) but help me deal with the issue at hand.
Like a caring doctor (which she is) who listens intently to me (the patient) going on and on about my 'symptoms' with sometimes my own sense of what is wrong with me... only to come to a proper 'diagnosis' and arrive to a necessary plan of care and management while still addressing my concerns about the symptoms.
Sorry for the medical analogy... but that's how i can describe it.
i thank God for her and for her insight.
And the reason i'm saying this is because most people (well, at least those who don't know her well enough) totally miss this about her.
They have a casual conversation with her and they walk away not realising they just encountered brilliance ;)
Bao bei, i love you and i thank God for giving me a companion like you.
You have been a major instrument that God has been using (and i believe will continue to use) to mould and make me into the man He wants me to be.
thank you.
Most have the immediate impression that she's generally the 'quiet-type' and therefore assume that she doesn't really have much to say. It's no secret that she is of a chinese-ED background and so not as 'eloquent' as some may expect.
But...
nothing could be further from the truth!
She's brilliant!
Really.
i can't even begin to detail to you the numerous accounts of me benefiting from her wisdom and perspectives. She has the keen ability to gain tremendous insight on matters with a very healthy proportion of wit, practicality, logic and reason while being generous with her words and sincere in her feelings.
She achieves the 'perfect' balance of appealing to the mind while taking care of the heart.
Sure, i may be able to 'say more'.
But she... she says exactly what needs to be heard in exactly the right way while addressing exactly the matter of concern and uncovering the underlying issues pertaining to it.
She sees 'through' the problem and yet has the patience and kindness to walk the person she's talking to through to reaching its conclusion.
It's hard to describe exactly her genius (intellectually, emotionally and socially) ...
She 'gets' it.
She 'gets' me.
No matter how much i may beat around the bush and even subconsciously sometimes drown out the 'real' issues with my many words and sometimes wide vocabulary, she almost immediately sees and understands it... and not just what i'm saying but more so as a result what needs to be said in response.. what i need to hear... not just to soothe and placate my feelings (which she always does so tenderly) but help me deal with the issue at hand.
Like a caring doctor (which she is) who listens intently to me (the patient) going on and on about my 'symptoms' with sometimes my own sense of what is wrong with me... only to come to a proper 'diagnosis' and arrive to a necessary plan of care and management while still addressing my concerns about the symptoms.
Sorry for the medical analogy... but that's how i can describe it.
i thank God for her and for her insight.
And the reason i'm saying this is because most people (well, at least those who don't know her well enough) totally miss this about her.
They have a casual conversation with her and they walk away not realising they just encountered brilliance ;)
Bao bei, i love you and i thank God for giving me a companion like you.
You have been a major instrument that God has been using (and i believe will continue to use) to mould and make me into the man He wants me to be.
thank you.
Monday, March 09, 2009
an unconventional love story
Surprisingly thoughtful.Right off the bat, you're faced with the sheer wit and raw intelligent humour that's quite the rarity these days when it comes to movies.
This one doesn't even need to try.
The dialogue is genius with little gems of anecdotes and neologisms that had me mulling over them way after the movie was over and left me smiling just at the reminiscence of their use.
Sure, the movie is not a moral compass in and of itself but it's beauty and depth lies in it's ability to challenge and explore our perhaps already 'set' principles and beliefs and maybe even shed some fresh light on some of the 'grey-er' aspects.
At the same time and refreshingly unlike other movies which try too hard to speak and stand for something deeper... this one infuses such a generous amount of warmth and sincere honest affection that your heart too is won over.
And to accomplish all that under the 'guise' of an unassuming teenage flick!
Genius.
Yup, there'll definitely be that minority few who miss totally what this movie is about and seeks to invoke. In fact, i'd say out of the 10 persons who watch it, 2 may totally miss the point and therefore utterly fail to appreciate it's wondrous beauty.
At least that's my 'guesstimation' ;)
Polarizing filter
my first time using a polarizing filter...turned out pretty good i think, especially to the untrained eye like mine ;)
not much editing required either ;)
definitely gonna make more use of it.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
hmmmnnn...
i sat in for the child psychiatry clinic yesterday together with the visiting child psychiatrist...
it made me think...
a lot...
About children,
About parents,
about me...
*sigh*
now i strive to be as honest and transparent as i possibly can on my blog. But the fact of the matter is that you have no control over who reads what's written and what they may think or if they'll understand... and the possible consequences that may subsequently follow.
Trust me, i've had my share of terrible experiences (not pertaining to my blog per say... as yet... but definitely something similar) and maybe the 'sting' of those experiences have left me rather reluctant to say exactly what's on my mind and heart.
i'm obviously digressing... but i guess this is sort of a lengthy 'disclaimer' for some of what i may be saying here.
i'm just trying to be honest without the intention of hurting anyone per say or being vindictive or anything like that. Cos' that has never been my intention. i call it as i see it. That's it.
Now that i've cleared that up...
back to what i was getting at.
So ya, i was looking at all these kids coming in with their parents and considering all the problems they were facing.
How 'tough' it is and must be for not just the kids but also the parents to come to terms with the problems the child was facing and the whole host of issues that are directly and indirectly affected and associated as a result.
But amidst all that, what 'struck' me (for lack of a better word) was just how 'much' love permeated the lives of these families.
Now, of course everybody loves their children.
No matter what...
but then again, is that entirely true?
that's when i started to reflect upon my life.
Without going into much detail at all about my family background or what i've been through (i'm really not seeking any validation)... i started to consider my life and my family...
and to be honest, i almost broke down in tears.
i didn't have any physical disability growing up (well, discounting my colour vision deficiency of course... you know what i mean).
i didn't have any psychiatric illness or disorder when i was younger (not that i have one now, but since we're restricting ourselves to just the past...you get it).
i was pretty 'normal'.
In fact, to be frank (and as you can tell by now, i'm really striving to be)... i wasn't just 'normal'.
i did well.
i excelled.
Academically.
Artistically.
Athletically.
Now, i'm obviously not saying that as a result of all these things i or anyone for that matter deserves to be loved 'more'... similarly no child should be loved 'less' for any 'deficiencies' they may have or suffer from...
Love is 'supposed to be' unconditional.
and yet, despite all that, my parents...
well, let's just say that i grew up pretty alone.
Even now... i sort of am (i'll leave it at that).
it made me wonder...
*vinod remembers his past but thanks God all the more that He has healed and delivered him from it's hold... that now he can talk and consider these things without hurt or malice... but whole... and then he looks to the future that God has in store for him*
See, i'm going to be a father soon (thank God!), what would my hopes and dreams be for my children?
Honestly, all i would want for my kids and all that i would be so thankful to God for, is for them to be just healthy and happy.
Really.
Sure, i'm concerned and interested in them becoming all that that they want to be, can be and God wants them to be... but that's really more of an issue of their attitudes... not aptitudes.
Sure, i want them to be active and outgoing as much as they are able and capable of doing... but that's more of an issue of health and wholeness... not accolades and achievements.
And yes, i would love for them to explore and grow in whatever talents that God has bestowed upon them... but that's more of an issue of honouring God with what He has given... not pride and popularity.
i'll be the happiest, proudest and most thankful dad in the world (there's no comparing but you get the point) if my children at the end of the day or even everyday for that matter can say that they're happy... that they're loved... that they're cherished... that they're appreciated... just for who they are (not for what they can/can't do).
Yes, i have no control over what may come (God always knows best) but i do have control over my choices... my priorities... my responses.
And i pray that as a soon to be father and parent, i'll never forget to be thankful to God for my children, His gifts to me.
God give me the grace to have your heart... a true father's heart.
That i would love as You love and see my children as You see Yours.
Without condition.
Without favouritism...
and... never taking them for granted.
i pray whenever my children think about me or my wife and the life they have/had with us... they'll smile.
Show me how.
it made me think...
a lot...
About children,
About parents,
about me...
*sigh*
now i strive to be as honest and transparent as i possibly can on my blog. But the fact of the matter is that you have no control over who reads what's written and what they may think or if they'll understand... and the possible consequences that may subsequently follow.
Trust me, i've had my share of terrible experiences (not pertaining to my blog per say... as yet... but definitely something similar) and maybe the 'sting' of those experiences have left me rather reluctant to say exactly what's on my mind and heart.
i'm obviously digressing... but i guess this is sort of a lengthy 'disclaimer' for some of what i may be saying here.
i'm just trying to be honest without the intention of hurting anyone per say or being vindictive or anything like that. Cos' that has never been my intention. i call it as i see it. That's it.
Now that i've cleared that up...
back to what i was getting at.
So ya, i was looking at all these kids coming in with their parents and considering all the problems they were facing.
How 'tough' it is and must be for not just the kids but also the parents to come to terms with the problems the child was facing and the whole host of issues that are directly and indirectly affected and associated as a result.
But amidst all that, what 'struck' me (for lack of a better word) was just how 'much' love permeated the lives of these families.
Now, of course everybody loves their children.
No matter what...
but then again, is that entirely true?
that's when i started to reflect upon my life.
Without going into much detail at all about my family background or what i've been through (i'm really not seeking any validation)... i started to consider my life and my family...
and to be honest, i almost broke down in tears.
i didn't have any physical disability growing up (well, discounting my colour vision deficiency of course... you know what i mean).
i didn't have any psychiatric illness or disorder when i was younger (not that i have one now, but since we're restricting ourselves to just the past...you get it).
i was pretty 'normal'.
In fact, to be frank (and as you can tell by now, i'm really striving to be)... i wasn't just 'normal'.
i did well.
i excelled.
Academically.
Artistically.
Athletically.
Now, i'm obviously not saying that as a result of all these things i or anyone for that matter deserves to be loved 'more'... similarly no child should be loved 'less' for any 'deficiencies' they may have or suffer from...
Love is 'supposed to be' unconditional.
and yet, despite all that, my parents...
well, let's just say that i grew up pretty alone.
Even now... i sort of am (i'll leave it at that).
it made me wonder...
*vinod remembers his past but thanks God all the more that He has healed and delivered him from it's hold... that now he can talk and consider these things without hurt or malice... but whole... and then he looks to the future that God has in store for him*
See, i'm going to be a father soon (thank God!), what would my hopes and dreams be for my children?
Honestly, all i would want for my kids and all that i would be so thankful to God for, is for them to be just healthy and happy.
Really.
Sure, i'm concerned and interested in them becoming all that that they want to be, can be and God wants them to be... but that's really more of an issue of their attitudes... not aptitudes.
Sure, i want them to be active and outgoing as much as they are able and capable of doing... but that's more of an issue of health and wholeness... not accolades and achievements.
And yes, i would love for them to explore and grow in whatever talents that God has bestowed upon them... but that's more of an issue of honouring God with what He has given... not pride and popularity.
i'll be the happiest, proudest and most thankful dad in the world (there's no comparing but you get the point) if my children at the end of the day or even everyday for that matter can say that they're happy... that they're loved... that they're cherished... that they're appreciated... just for who they are (not for what they can/can't do).
Yes, i have no control over what may come (God always knows best) but i do have control over my choices... my priorities... my responses.
And i pray that as a soon to be father and parent, i'll never forget to be thankful to God for my children, His gifts to me.
God give me the grace to have your heart... a true father's heart.
That i would love as You love and see my children as You see Yours.
Without condition.
Without favouritism...
and... never taking them for granted.
i pray whenever my children think about me or my wife and the life they have/had with us... they'll smile.
Show me how.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Sunday, March 01, 2009
a quick attempt
the gentle pitter-patter of little feet across the hallway,
mimicking the beat of my heart as i looked at her,
standing there at the door it was as if time waited for us,
to say all that we wanted to say,
all that needed to be said...
like a doting friend the moment lingered between us,
waiting,
waiting for either one of us to take the first step,
make the first move...
her shoulder-length but full bodied hair danced to the melody of lovers meeting,
the thin white hairband like the trail of a single shooting star against an otherwise starless night sky...to which i made a wish,
a wish,
that the great divide which was the hallway from which i stood across her would disappear,
and we'd be standing face to face... nay, side by side,
where my hand may but ever so softly draw close to hers... barely touching,
That i may feel the warmth of her heart through that closeness but taint her not with the touch of my unworthy hands.
her eyes looked up and into mine...
and i felt like the earth gave way beneath me...
she saw all that i was and all that i desire to be and yet...
judged me not for what she saw but instead...
smiled.
and then
the school bell rang.
;)
a tribute to some of the entries i read from a few of my friends blogs who, to be honest, i feel are sometimes being 'emo'... perhaps... for emo's sake ;)
so i thought i'd give it a shot!
hehe
mimicking the beat of my heart as i looked at her,
standing there at the door it was as if time waited for us,
to say all that we wanted to say,
all that needed to be said...
like a doting friend the moment lingered between us,
waiting,
waiting for either one of us to take the first step,
make the first move...
her shoulder-length but full bodied hair danced to the melody of lovers meeting,
the thin white hairband like the trail of a single shooting star against an otherwise starless night sky...to which i made a wish,
a wish,
that the great divide which was the hallway from which i stood across her would disappear,
and we'd be standing face to face... nay, side by side,
where my hand may but ever so softly draw close to hers... barely touching,
That i may feel the warmth of her heart through that closeness but taint her not with the touch of my unworthy hands.
her eyes looked up and into mine...
and i felt like the earth gave way beneath me...
she saw all that i was and all that i desire to be and yet...
judged me not for what she saw but instead...
smiled.
and then
the school bell rang.
;)
a tribute to some of the entries i read from a few of my friends blogs who, to be honest, i feel are sometimes being 'emo'... perhaps... for emo's sake ;)
so i thought i'd give it a shot!
hehe
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